Out of the Shadows
by lily moonlight
Summary: They're out in the sunlight, but danger waits in the shadows. It's up to Flack to prevent tragedy a second time around. If he can. Stella/Mac; sequel, of sorts, to 'Walk Through the Shadows'.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Welcome to a new story! This is a sequel, of sorts, to my very first story - Walk Through the Shadows - published exactly 10 years ago (2nd February 2008) which is kind of scary. Ten years. Wow. There's been an awful lot of danger and drama since then...**

 **Thank you to _Ballettmaus_ for editing and _Strandstorken_ for the cover art! **

**This can be read as a stand-alone story, but some things might make more sense if you read the original :) Either way, please enjoy!**

* * *

 _They were gone._

 _I was the only living soul in the room._

 _The only living soul…_

'No!'

I jerked awake. Only realised I'd shouted out loud when I saw everyone staring at me.

'Aww, had a bad dream, Flack?'

'Want your blankie and teddy bear?'

'Yeah, real funny, O'Dowd,' I shot back over laughter.

'Need someone to read you a bedtime story?' someone else jeered from across the bullpen. More laughter.

I told them where they could stick their bedtime story and tried to compose myself. Man, I felt shaken. Bad dream wasn't so far from the truth; not that I was going to let anyone know that. I'd only closed my eyes for a moment; next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a nightmare.

Grabbing the takeaway cup on my desk, I took a sip. Still pretty hot, so I hadn't been asleep for that long. Weird. It felt like a huge amount of time had passed, the dream had been that detailed. Honestly, it had freaked me out.

Even though I really wanted to forget it, it flashed back through my mind… my heart started pounding in my chest and my hand shook as I tried to take another sip of coffee. Why in hell had I been dreaming about two of my best friends dying, and dying in the most horrible circumstances?

Still wrestling with that, I realised I was sitting with my coffee halfway to my mouth, totally zoned out, and half the cops in the bullpen were staring at me again.

'Hey, none of you got any real work to do?' I glared round at them all. 'So I nodded off at my desk, big fucking deal. Get over it.' Soon as I'd said it, I realised how harsh it sounded. Guess I could blame that on the dream, too. Anyway, few more jeers followed, but they soon lost interest and I was left in peace to toss another mouthful of coffee down my throat, and try and bring myself back to reality.

It wasn't the first time I'd experienced some seriously screwed-up nightmares. After Jess had died… yeah, after that I'd pretty much kissed goodbye to sweet dreams. Even when I'd drunk myself into oblivion, I'd still relive what had happened: finding her, getting her to the hospital… over and over, always with the same outcome. Each time I'd wake up and realise, through a fog of alcohol, she still wasn't there with me.

So I'd drink some more.

More than a year on, I'd stayed on the wagon, more or less, and although I wasn't sleeping great, at least the nightmares had stopped, until now anyway.

Taking another slug of coffee I tried to focus on the report I'd been working on. But as much as I tried, that freaking dream wouldn't let go of me. Bits of it kept playing back in my mind as clearly as if it had just happened.

Seriously, my subconscious had to be messed-up big time. Maybe alcohol was to blame for that, even if the last alcohol I'd had was a single bottle of beer two nights ago.

'Get a fucking grip, man,' I muttered to myself, right before I heard the sound of heels approaching… Oh crap. I'd been supposed to meet Stella at the lab – I glanced at my watch – almost twenty minutes ago. Terrific.

'Hey, there you are,' the voice of the lady herself rang out. She came striding over to my desk looking pissed. 'Where've you been? I've been waiting, and you weren't answering your phone.'

Hadn't even _heard_ my phone…

'Yeah, I know, Stell. I'm sorry.'

I mentioned something about getting caught up in paperwork; not hearing my cell; yada, yada, yada.

'Paperwork's a bitch, isn't it?' she said, folding her arms across her chest and studying me in a way I didn't like. 'Your paperwork must've been really extreme, seeing as you've got what appears to be dried drool on your chin, your hair looks like you've been resting your head on your arm, and you've got the imprint of a shirt button on your cheek.' She tipped her head on one side and stared at me.

Busted. Damn forensic scientists.

I lifted my shoulders. 'What can I say? My reports were exhausting.'

Stell, the woman with a built-in bullshit detector, pressed her lips together, but there was definitely a twinkle in her eye. Something must have put her in a good mood. Interesting.

'Right,' she said. 'Anyway, I was calling you to tell you that what we found on the CCTV tapes in Earl Greyson's building has given us a new lead, so our plans have changed. Want to come talk to the original witness again with me? If you're not too exhausted from your paperwork,' she added with a smirk.

'Think I can manage that,' I said. 'I'll drive.'

'It's only a few blocks away, we'll be quicker if we walk.' She was already turning to leave.

Now, normally I wouldn't argue with her, but the fact we'd been walking in the dream… I don't know, it seemed like a good idea to take a car this time.

'Nah, let's drive,' I reached for my jacket.

'At this time of day? Are you kidding me?' Stell stopped and raised her eyebrows. 'We're going to be right in the middle of rush hour. It's two blocks, Don. It'll take us longer to get a car out of the parking garage.'

It was a stronger argument than I could offer, which was nothing but mental indigestion. So I shrugged. 'If you say so.'

Stella clapped me on the shoulder. 'Some fresh air will do you good.'

I grunted as I pulled my jacket on. Likely Stell was right.

I'd stepped away from my desk when I remembered my half-drunk coffee. Unluckily, while stretching for the cup, I managed to knock it over. Luckily, Stell's reflexes were faster than mine and she grabbed it and set it upright before all of it went on the floor. Even so, coffee spilled all over the place and all over my hands.

Watching it dripping and pooling… I couldn't stop staring at it. For a second, I was seeing again what I'd seen in the dream: Stella's blood over my hands, seeping between my fingers while I tried to put pressure on the wound; trying to stop her bleeding out...

'Don?' Handful of coffee-soaked Kleenex in her hands, I realised Stella was staring at me in confusion, and I was staring at my hands. 'Something wrong?'

I blinked. 'Uh, no. No, nothing's wrong. Come on, let's go,' was all I said before heading out of the bullpen, scrubbing my hands dry on a piece of Kleenex. 'Don't want to keep our witness waiting, do we?' I called over my shoulder. Stell frowned, but tossed the tissue in the trash and followed me without another word.

Couple minutes later, I had to admit, it was pretty nice being outdoors on a clear, dry day, with enough of a breeze to blow the sleep out of my eyes. Although it didn't manage to blow away that unsettled feeling I still had.

Man. I _really_ needed to get a grip. It was a _dream_. Bat-shit crazy dream, sure, but a dream nonetheless. Don't know why it had got to me like that.

Guess I was tired, that was all. Tired and in need of using up some of the vacation days I hadn't used for the last year. Last time I actually took a vacation and left town was when, yeah… when Jess was alive. Two of us took off for a weekend to Coney Island.

Happy days.

Hadn't felt like taking off on vacation anywhere after her death. I don't know, seemed wrong to be enjoying myself without her.

My thoughts must've shown in my face as I caught Stell looking at me seriously.

'You don't seem yourself today,' she told me, before asking in a gentler voice. 'Something on your mind?'

'Nope.' I lied. Actually, I was tempted to tell her there and then what I'd been dreaming about, maybe to have her laugh about it and dismiss it, reassure me by doing that, but… I didn't.

Instead, as we passed a pretzel cart I decided to change the subject, 'Hey, you know what?' I slowed down, feeling genuinely hungry, 'Seeing as it's way past breakfast, and you made me walk, maybe we ought to stop for a little something to eat.'

Stell shook her head. 'If you're lucky, I'll buy you a pretzel later.'

I grinned. 'Hey, I'm lucky.' And felt the grin freeze on my face, 'cause I got the _weirdest_ feeling of déjà vu, like I was repeating words I'd already said. 'No, wait…'

'What? _No_? You don't want a pretzel? Since when are _you_ refusing food?' Stell demanded. 'Are you sick?'

'No! I mean, yes, I do, but… Could've sworn we had this conversation already.'

She looked confused. 'We definitely didn't.'

'Forget about it.' I shook my head and kind of grimaced at her. 'Must be feeling faint from hunger.'

Stell rolled her eyes. 'Nice try, but we are _not_ stopping for food until _after_ we've seen our witness.'

So we carried on and the feeling passed, mostly. After Stell teased me a bit more about food, the conversation turned to the Jets game last night. I'd heard from Messer that she and Mac were going to take Hammerback again.

Not for the first time, I tried to picture the ME at a game, and failed. 'You know, I never had Hammerback down as a Jets fan.'

Stell laughed. 'He's not. At least he _wasn't_ , but Mac and I finally persuaded him to go a few weeks ago and he loved it.'

'So what'd he think of last night's game?'

'Actually, he couldn't make it last night.' Stell glanced at me. My spidey sense tingled.

'Oh? He couldn't? So what, you and Mac go by yourselves?' I slowed my walk, very eager to hear Stell's answer.

'Yes, we did. We weren't going to waste the tickets. I mean, obviously we missed Sid being there,' she added hastily.

'Oh, obviously.' I nodded vigorously, while I smiled to myself. So _that_ was the reason for her good mood – she and Mac had been spending a lot of time together outside of work recently. Good on 'em. We all knew they'd had a thing for each other for a long time. I'd tell Messer soon as I saw him. Might even question Hammerback about his real reason for cancelling last night. Could be enlightening.

'So, you two going to take Hammerback next time, or go by yourselves again?' I did my best to ask innocently

Stell flicked a sideways look at me. 'Depends whether Sid can make it or not.'

'Uh huh, sure.' Keeping a poker face was harder than I thought (don't know how Mac does it) and Stella gave me another, suspicious look just as the breeze caught her hair, lifting and swirling it. She swept the curls back off of her face and as small as the gesture was, it triggered a memory… no, _not_ a memory; déjà vu. Again. This time I couldn't just dismiss it.

I was absolutely positive I'd experienced this moment before.

'Flack?' Stell stood there, her blazer flying open in the breeze. Aware I'd stopped walking and was gaping at her, I started to answer her, and then stopped. And – okay, I admit it, it sounds insane - I swear the whole street went into slow motion. I saw everything in weirdly vivid detail, the sun appearing from behind clouds to light it all up. Strangest of all, I recognised it. All of it. Because it was the same as I'd seen it in the dream. Even down to the blouse Stella was wearing. _Exactly_ the same.

It had to be a coincidence, right? I mean, what else could it be? Either I'd developed psychic abilities, or I really _was_ going insane…

No. No way was I going to accept either that I'd had a dream predicting the death of two close friends, or that I was insane. No way.

'Don!'

I blinked. Found myself staring at Stell, who looked concerned.

'Are you OK? I lost you for a second there.'

'I… Yeah, I, uh…' I thought rapidly, finally deciding to tell the truth, kind of: that I'd been freaked out by a bout of déjà vu. Stell was sceptical, but didn't say nothing else, so we carried on.

But that uneasy feeling just wouldn't go away.

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 **Many thanks for reading! Any and all reviews are hugely appreciated :D Lily x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! Many thanks for all the lovely reviews :D Without too much delay, here's the next chapter...**

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As hard as I tried to convince myself that it was a dream, nothing else, little things kept trying to tell me otherwise. Almost every step we took, I saw something that looked familiar, as in I'd seen it before, dreamed it before: a guy walking past with a bright green Mohawk; woman with box braids coiled up on top of her head; couple arguing about something _'…and you always take her side'_ , I heard the words in my head a second before one of the women spoke them. Felt like a never-ending déjà vu.

It was freaking me out. I was starting to get real paranoid, too, that Stell had noticed and was going to think I'd been drinking again. I kept glancing at her, trying to do so without her noticing. So far, she hadn't said anything, but I swear she was watching me. Terrific. No doubt she'd tell Mac, who would give me that look of his, telling me without saying a word that he was worried about me, which would make me feel even worse… I felt my forehead tightening, eyebrows lowering.

Someone shoved past me, 'Watch where you're going,' I heard myself snarl at them.

The further we walked, the more I could hear and see what was going to happen right before it did. Only way I could describe it was like… like an echo in reverse.

I decided on a sort of test when I saw a newsstand I recognised right ahead of us. I'd seen that in the dream: so, if I really was experiencing the same events I'd dreamed about, then the guy in the stand was about to stretch over to grab a candy bar, and his glasses would fall off the top of his head.

I could feel the muscles in my jaw tightening. The apprehension was almost unbearable. I couldn't take my eyes off the guy – reading a magazine, glasses on his head, totally unaware of me watching him. We approached, walked right in front of the stand… and passed it.

Nothing happened. He carried on reading.

The sigh of relief I let out must've been loud enough for the whole street to hear. That was it then. I'd proved it. I felt instantly better. Grinning, feeling lighter inside, I strolled on. Actually, I felt pretty smug. The fact the moment hadn't happened proved it was only a dream, right?

The feeling held until we passed an old guy, magazine tucked under his arm, fumbling in his carrier bag outside a store. Something made me keep looking at him, so I was easily able to see the moment his glasses slipped right off his head and into the bag.

The _hell?_

I was so done with all of this - this _freakery_.

'Fuck sake!'

'You OK, Don?' Stell asked, pausing by the edge of the street, looking bewildered. Crap. Hadn't even realised I'd sworn out loud…

'Yeah, I, um, stubbed my toe.' I knew how lame it sounded even before I said, it but it was the best I had. 'Guess I'm kind of clumsy today.'

'I see that.' She bit her lip, trying to stop a smirk. 'If only I'd let you eat something earlier, huh?'

I grinned weakly.

And we still had a short way to go before our witness's apartment complex. But it felt way too big a distance. _Knew_ I should have insisted we drive. The street stretched ahead of me, threateningly. I strode on, aware of being hyper-alert and listening for the same shouts I'd heard in the dream while I tried to mock myself for being over-dramatic.

It took my concentration away from anything else. After a few attempts, Stell gave up trying to make conversation with me, which part of me regretted. Several times I almost told her what I was experiencing; each time I didn't. Because, what the hell was I going to say?

'Hey, Stella, this is going to sound crazy and all…' Yeah, no. She'd escort me straight back to the precinct and send me for a psych evaluation. Although, maybe a psych evaluation might not be a bad idea…

Actually, nope; it _was_ a bad idea. Scratch that. I'd had a _dream_. Nothing else.

But the sooner we reached our destination the better. Least then I could be sure nothing was going to happen to Stella out on the street.

After that, I could look forward to getting an early lunch, and a pretzel, and Stell could look forward to planning with Mac about the next Jets game. Even better, I could look forward to some detective work about what exactly was going on between those two.

That cheered me up, especially when I thought about how I could recruit Messer to help out, be my eyes and ears in the lab.

Felt a lot less cheerful when we approached a spot I recognised all too well from the dream; the place where Stell had been stabbed. That uneasy feeling stirred in my gut again and I quickened my pace, made sure I was right beside Stell so I could easily get her out of the way or defend her if I needed to. Tried to be subtle about it, although she did throw me a questioning look at the way I'd suddenly invaded her space.

Unconsciously, I'd moved my hand to my piece. I didn't want to, but it was impossible not to look as I passed the stoop I could vividly recall Stell's blood dripping down. That image was horribly clear in my mind. Might have been a flash of sunlight, or cloud, but for a second I swear I saw blood on those steps.

Then it was gone. We'd passed it. Nothing had happened.

No shouts, no blood, no nothing.

We'd walked by just an ordinary stoop on the streets of Manhattan. One of hundreds, thousands even.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I could have laughed with relief. Moved my hand away from my piece and widened the gap between me and Stell.

Sun was shining, breeze was still lifting Stella's hair as she strode along at her usual pace. The uneasiness lessened, I felt more relaxed.

We reached the next crosswalk with no further incidents of déjà vu. Little way ahead I could see the witness's apartment block. Almost home and dry.

At the kerb, I breathed in and out deeply, enjoying the sun on my face. Saw a toddler toss a doll out of his stroller and handed it back with a grin, then caught sight of Stell giving me a quizzical look before she commented. 'You're looking happier.'

I shrugged. 'Sun's come out and it's a beautiful day, Stell.' It sure felt that way now.

She smiled with a slight shake of her head.

'Even better,' I gestured, having only just noticed it myself, 'We're right across the street from a bodega that I happen to know sells some of the best, if not _the_ best, cannoli in the city.' I paused expectantly, feeling pretty sure it wouldn't take much to persuade Stell to stop for cannoli.

'Is that so?' Stell said raising an eyebrow.

'If you don't believe me, then we ought to grab some on our way back so I can prove it to you. You could pick some up for Mac, too,' I added innocently.

She pointed at me. 'Don't push your luck, Don.' Which I had no doubt was to be taken in two ways.

Saved by the crosswalk light changing, I strolled across the street little way ahead of Stella. Felt pretty satisfied with myself and how things were turning out. So, it had been nothing but a damn crazy dream all along, and nothing but my tired, cranky, overworked mind playing tricks on me. When we stopped for the cannoli later, I'd joke about it with Stell. Make some smart comment about how I wouldn't be pursuing a future career as a psychic.

Nothing but a dream.

Which was all in the past.

Leaving us safe for the present…

So when the kid with the Yankees cap comes running out of the bodega, it catches me so off guard it ain't funny.

When the old dame comes running after him, hollering, I know we're in trouble.

But by then it's too late.

He's already run right into us.

I go down first, falling on my ass, kid landing almost on top of me, taking Stell down with us as well, along with a display of bottles on the sidewalk. There's a smashing sound, an explosion of glass, liquid and fragments all over the sidewalk.

'Son of a _bitch!_ ' Stella yells, but she manages to get to her feet first, broken glass tumbling off of her. I'm still trying to keep a hold of the kid who's wriggling like a freaking worm while Stella calls for back-up.

Well-aimed kick to my ankle distracts me long enough for the little punk to break free.

Stell's fast, though, and lunges for him, manages to get a hold of his arm. I can see what's going to happen next. Can see him reaching for the weapon I know he's got. That Stell _doesn't_ know he's got. I got to stop him. Adrenaline pumping, I grab my piece, aim and yell at the kid to drop the knife.

' _Now!_ You hear me, punk?'

There's a second when everything seems to stop. Everything hangs in the balance.

' _Drop it!'_

At last, reluctantly, he drops the knife. Hits the ground among the broken glass and after scrambling to my feet, I kick it out of reach. It's clean. No blood on it. Relief washes over me. Between us, Stell and I subdue him enough to pin him against the wall of the bodega and cuff him, 'cause his ass ain't going _anywhere_ except downtown.

Soon as he's secure, and we got the knife safely in our possession, Stell shakes more glass off of herself and looks in disgust at her soaked shirt.

'You OK, Stell?' I ask, wanting to be sure.

'Yes, yes, I think so,' she says, brushing more bits off glass off of her blouse and inspecting her hand. 'Few scratches, that's all.' She pauses before asking me with a slight frown, 'how'd you know he had a knife?'

There's silence for a moment. It's a hell of a question.

'Instinct,' I tell her finally, giving a shrug as though it's no big deal. 'Just had a hunch.'

Nodding, she accepts that, which is something of a relief. She asks if I'm OK, and I can answer her very honestly that I am. Sure, my ankle's throbbing, but in the grand scheme of things, that don't count.

Couple of unis reach us then. Squad car pulls up seconds later. I hand the kid over to them, they can deal with him. I want to be sure Stell really is OK. She seems kind of shaky, but likely that's the adrenaline. Feel pretty shaky myself. That was _way_ too close.

'Hey, let me see those scratches,' I demand, crunching across the broken glass to her.

'Honestly, it's only superficial,' Stell says, inspecting her palms after brushing her blouse again. One thing I'm sure of - both of us are going to have change our clothes after this.

I glance down. God knows how many bottles have smashed. Mostly they've shattered, but there's a couple big jagged pieces. Could have been real nasty. Involuntary shiver takes hold of me.

Noticing the old lady's purse among the mess, Stell bends down to pick it up.

The sharp gasp she gives tells me something's wrong. Her hand flying to her ribcage, colour draining from her face tells me it's really wrong...

'Stella?'

She straightens up slowly. Still holding her hand against herself.

I turn cold. Any relief is long gone.

'What is it? What have you done?'

'I… don't know.' She draws her hand away and stares, horrified, at the fresh blood shining on her palm. She lifts up her blouse a few inches, revealing a tear in her skin that's leaking blood.

Her gaze meets mine, both of us afraid.

A drop of blood hits the glass.

Another follows it.

And another.

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 **Thanks for reading! More soon! Please, make a writer's day and leave a review here. Lily x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi! Thank you for the lovely reviews. Sorry about leaving you all hanging with the ending of the last chapter! Without further delay, here's chapter 3.**

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First thing I did was start stripping my jacket off while I yelled for someone to call an ambulance.

Stell was staring in disbelief at the blood starting to trickle through her fingers and drip onto the shards of glass. My own blood raced through my veins, my heart thudding. Fuck. Oh _fuck…_

Fumbling with my shirt, trying to keep a hold of Stell at the same time, I shouted to my guys that if dispatch didn't get a bus to us in the next few minutes, everyone's ass would be on the line. No excuses.

'I didn't even feel it,' Stell said, sweat breaking out on her forehead as I temporarily gave up on my shirt so I could hold my jacket more firmly against the wound. 'How did I not feel it? _Dammit!_ '

I shook my head. 'Doesn't matter. I got a bus on its way.'

At the mention of a bus, Stell protested, 'It's not that bad, Flack…' right as she stumbled, legs giving way under her.

I snorted as I caught hold of her. 'Maybe we ought to let EMS decide that.' Frankly I was surprised she'd stayed standing so long.

Half carrying Stell over to a clear patch of sidewalk, I called out for a jacket from my guys and got her lying down with a jacket under her head.

Took a moment to assess her and didn't like what I saw: she was already going into shock, her skin paling, going clammy, and her breathing too fast. But I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, tried to be light-hearted.

'Kind of an extreme way to get out of buying me food, huh?'

'You going to be OK?' she said and managed to smile back at me.

'Can always grab something later. Don't worry 'bout that.'

Another faint smile before she pressed her lips together and I saw they were almost colourless. I squeezed the top of her arm.

'Hey, hang in there. We're going to fix this…'

I glanced round, saw more back-up arriving and unis holding the growing crowd back, telling them this was a crime scene. Like a wave of nausea, I felt that damn sensation of déjà vu sweeping over me – holding Stell's arm; sunlight dazzling my eyes; people stopping, staring; my guys giving orders…

Pushed the sensation away as much as I could. Focused on Stella. She was bleeding out fast. Didn't want to admit it, but it looked bad. The piece of glass must have gone deep. Felt sick - I was well aware of the internal damage a stab wound could do. Seen more than enough of them out in the field.

Tried to keep Stell, and me, calm by repeating that she'd be OK. If I said it enough times I might convince myself. Even tried joking a bit, telling her I'd been watching a lot of medical drama re-runs recently.

'Learned all I need to know from ER. I got this,' I said, playing it straight.

Ghost of a smile appeared on Stell's face. 'Don't doubt it.'

'When you got cable, who needs first responders?' Or sleep for that matter. Least the TV shows had been a distraction from the booze.

Stell was shivering so I told a few more unis to hand over their jackets. Mine wasn't doing much good at staunching blood so with a few more tugs, I got my shirt off and used that instead.

'Sorry, sorry,' I murmured when Stell cried out as I pressed on the wound again.

'Don, you got to call Mac.' She clutched my hand, looking anxious. 'If he's heard over the police scanner, he's going to worry.'

'I'll get one of my guys on it,' I told her, trying again to smile reassuringly. There was no way I was letting go of her to make that call, even if I wanted to, which I _really_ didn't. Had been bad enough calling Mac after I'd dragged Stell, half-drowned, out of that pool.

It was O'Dowd of all people who came over when I yelled. Told him I needed him to contact Mac, tell him there'd been an incident and that Stell had gotten hurt, so we were taking her to the hospital to get her checked out. Nothing more than that.

'Tell him to meet us at the hospital,' I added. Even if Stell wanted Mac there, it wasn't likely he'd reach us before the bus arrived.

O'Dowd hesitated. 'You want me to call Taylor and tell him Detective Bonasera's been hurt?'

'Yes, I do.' I looked up at him. 'There a problem with that?'

'Nope.' His face said the opposite. Nonetheless, looking grim, he pulled out his cell. So, I wasn't the only one who'd noticed how it was between Mac and Stell.

While O'Dowd called Mac, I turned back to Stell. Trying to keep her alert, I asked her again about the game last night. She was coherent enough for now, though she was visibly getting weaker. Had me torn between wanting to keep her talking and wanting to save her energy. Especially as there was no sign of the ambulance yet.

'Flack!' O'Dowd strode over and glanced at Stell before he lowered his voice to tell me Mac was apparently in court and unreachable. 'Spoke to Messer,' he murmured. 'He's going to leave a message for him.' Guy looked relieved he'd been spared the ordeal of actually talking to Mac. Knew how he felt. I grunted my thanks to O'Dowd who nodded and headed off.

Decided I wasn't going to tell Stella we couldn't reach Mac. Didn't want to upset her.

Of course that was the next thing she asked me about.

'Did you get a hold of Mac?' Stell sounded worried. 'Is he coming?'

'He'll be here soon as he can.' Couldn't meet Stell's eyes as I said that. Apparently satisfied with my answer, she gave me a brief smile before her face tightened in pain, her breath hitching.

Wasn't much help, but I gripped her shoulder, told her again she was going to be OK, that a bus was on its way, that it was going to be _fine_ …

Trouble was, with every second that passed, the less certain I was about that.

Wasn't much longer before my shirt was soaked with blood. Stella's eyes were getting heavier and her skin paler.

Hard as I tried to shut it down, panic was taking over. This whole thing was a nightmare, a fucking nightmare. I felt helpless. Tried desperately to remember more details in the dream and what exactly had caused Stell's death. The time it had taken the ambulance had to have been a factor. An injury like this, every second made a difference to survival.

I hollered again to find out where the hell the bus was. If we could get Stell to the hospital in time, she'd be okay. She'd pull through.

She _had_ to.

'Hey, you still with me, Stell?' Her eyes had closed again. She dragged them open. All her strength seemed to be flowing away.

I spoke to her, urging her, 'Hang in there. Bus is on its way. You got to stay with me.'

'Where's Mac?' she asked. 'Said you'd call him.'

'He's coming, promise,' I said, adjusting the jackets to cover her better. 'So you got to stay awake, OK?'

'Trying to. Stop bugging me,' she grumbled, which made me grin briefly.

Of course I kept on bugging her; asking her questions, reminding her she and Mac had another Jets game to get to… anything to keep her responsive. In between, via my guys, I was kicking dispatch's tail over where the ambulance was.

It took more and more effort for Stell to keep talking.

Thought struck me: should I say to hell with the ambulance and simply get Stella in a squad car and take her myself to the nearest trauma centre? I looked around. No sign of a bus; no sound of sirens. Should I risk it?

I looked again at the gridlocked street.

 _Damn._ Even if I did take a car, would it get us there any faster through the traffic?

I hesitated, looking at Stell, looking at the blood starting to creep over the sidewalk. Only thing I was sure of was that if I made the wrong judgement call, it would cost Stella her life.

A memory flashed into my mind, again: Jess in my arms, me panicking, taking her in a car. Then at the hospital, telling Danny she'd gone. Could I risk having to tell Mac that Stella had gone? The thought turned me sick and cold inside.

On the other hand, could I risk waiting? And then however long it would take to Mount Sinai…

Wait: that couldn't be right. We were on the corner of 10th and 42nd, so Presbyterian was closer. Yet I remembered from the dream that Stell had been taken to Mount Sinai - I could picture it now, _way_ too vividly. It had me puzzled: why would we have gone there given it was further away? A quirk of the dream, I decided and dismissed it.

Few seconds more, I hesitated. Had the feeling that whatever choice I made would be the wrong one. In the end, still not sure I'd made the right decision, I chose to wait for the ambulance. Because I couldn't let what happened with Jess happen to Stella. I couldn't risk that. That had happened for real: whatever had happened in the dream, it had been just that – a dream.

Stell, of course, was unaware of the conflict in my head. She looked deathly pale and her curls were limp and dark with perspiration round her face. I gave her arm a squeeze. 'Hang in there, Stell. OK? Not long before we get you out of here.'

'Mac's taking too long,' she muttered, her eyes half open. So was the ambulance.

No sign of it, no sirens, no nothing.

The fact my shirt was now soaked through with blood didn't do nothing to give me hope either.

Think it was some profanity in Greek that Stell hissed when I pressed down on the wound again with a fresh shirt someone passed me.

'Sorry, sorry.' Least she was still strong enough to curse me out. But her lips had a bluish tinge to them and when I put the back of my fingers against her cheek, it felt like ice.

'Mac here yet?' She blinked woozily at me.

'On his way, Stell. You don't got to worry about that, OK?' I smiled down at her while trying to ignore the image of Mac getting there just too late. I prayed Messer had been able to reach him. Think my answer reassured her, anyways, she half-smiled at me before her eyes slid shut.

'Hang in there a bit longer, going to get you to the hospital soon as we can,' I said chafing her hand.

That got her attention. She opened her eyes and frowned at me. 'Not staying there. Only need a couple stitches.'

'Whatever you say, Stell.' Shook my head with a wry smile.

'Tell Mac that, too. Not gonna stay. Don't want time off sick.' Stell half-raised her hand to gesture dismissively before it dropped to her side.

'I'll tell him,' I said. 'Don't worry about it.'

'All right.' She sighed, before suddenly twisting in pain and clutching at her side. Caught me off guard, and for a moment I lost my balance and lost the pressure on the wound. Only a moment, but long enough for blood to gush out. My hands were slipping, shaking, struggling to grip the shirt and apply pressure again.

'It's OK, take it easy, I got you. Take it easy…' My voice rose in panic as Stell gasped for breath. 'Hey! Any sign of that bus?'

'On its way,' someone answered. 'Been an incident at the Rockefeller Centre, traffic's snarled up.'

Something snapped in me.

'If EMS ain't here in _two_ _minutes_ , I'm going to hand their asses to them on a fucking _plate_.' I yelled, so pissed, so terrified, I could barely contain it. 'And you can tell them I said that!'

Breathing hard, trying to calm down, I turned back to Stell, who with glazed eyes, muttered something about Mac being late.

Seeing her lying there, blood pooling round her, it became impossible to ignore the possibility I'd been fighting.

If she died…

No. _Fuck_ no _._ I couldn't think that, couldn't consider that. It couldn't happen. Not to Stella, not to someone so much alive.

Like Jess had been.

Shadows closed in on me. For a second it wasn't Stell lying on the ground bleeding out, it was Jess. Jess who had been so alive; Jess who couldn't, _shouldn't_ have died.

My chest tightened, felt like my heart had stopped. It couldn't happen again. It shouldn't.

If Stella died, I'd lose not only her, but Mac as well - I had no doubt about that. Two people who'd helped bring _me_ back to life after Jess's death.

I _wouldn't_ let it happen. Hell no.

The blare of sirens in the distance made my heart jolt. Brought me back to the present.

There was still a chance.

Smiled down at Stell with a confidence I didn't feel. 'Hey, told you it wouldn't be long.' Her eyes stayed closed, she didn't say nothing, didn't move. I squeezed her hand and felt how lifeless and cold it was. Spoke more loudly. 'Stella? You still with me?'

I got no response.

* * *

 **True story: while waitressing once, I fell carrying a tray full of plates. I was so busy trying to pick all the bits up and apologise to nearby customers that I didn't notice my arm had been stabbed by a bit of broken plate and was pouring blood until someone pointed it out to me. My poor co-workers had to (literally) mop up the blood while I sat on a chair trying not to faint :P**

 **Do leave a review. Feedback is a writer's friend! :D Lily x**


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry for taking so long! Huge thanks to _Gwyn_ and _Brownwyn_ for your lovely reviews, sorry I couldn't send an official reply. **

Chapter 4

When Stell didn't respond, I panicked. Patted her cheek, called her name more forcefully. Best I got was her eyes half open for a moment. So I squeezed her hand tightly.

'Hang in there, Stell, OK? Hang in there. We ain't going to lose you yet. Not for a long time.' I hung onto her hand, willing her to open her eyes again while I continued. 'You still got stuff to do, including buying me a whole heap of pretzels and taking Mac to another Jets game.'

Still got nothing, so I tried another line. 'Know what, forget about the pretzels, I'm going to get serious here: you and Mac. I don't know exactly what's going on between you two, but I know _something_ is and that's great. Two of you deserve to be happy with each other.'

Her eyes flickered open, head turned towards me so I carried on, speaking real hurriedly 'cause I knew the ambulance was going to be with us any second. 'Listen, Stell, please, this is important: you two, you and Mac, whatever's going on with you, I know you got a whole lot of stuff still to do together …' I was losing her again and I could hear the bus pulling to a stop. One last chance to get through to her. I gripped her fingers almost tripping over my words as I tried to get them all out of my mouth. 'Mac ain't going to make it without you, Stell. You know that. Rest of us aren't going to do too well either. So don't you go leaving us, you hear me, Stella Bonasera? You got to hang in there.'

But her eyes closed again and I was moved out of the way by the paramedics. Don't know how much Stell had heard or taken in. Guess at least I'd said it to her, which had to count for something, right?

Trouble was, it started me thinking about all the things I'd never got to say to Jess, never would get to say.

So many things.

Only thing that eased my regrets was knowing that we had said _some_ of the important stuff.

Not enough, though. Not enough.

Had to tear myself away from those thoughts, they were taking me down dark paths. Stella needed me, I had to stay focused. But the expression on the paramedics' faces while they assessed Stell made even more hope desert me. And the blood… Christ, so much blood. All over Stell, the sidewalk, my hands… I stared at my hands, at the blood on them. Triggered the memory of being by my desk less than an hour ago, after the coffee had spilled, seeing that vision of blood.

Realised I was shaking as I scrubbed my hands on the bloodstained shirt that was still in my hands. Couldn't get all of it off, but at that point I was past caring. And anyway, the paramedics were already getting ready to move Stell.

At least they were quick about getting Stell into the ambulance. There was no question about me going with her. Wasn't leaving her on her own. Sudden unwelcome thought came as I got in that if… that if the worst happened, at least she'd have someone she knew with her. I knew she hadn't died in the ambulance in the dream, but as reality hadn't followed the dream exactly, I was taking nothing for granted

And looking at her – unconscious, still bleeding out, EMS grim-faced – I felt even more of my confidence disappearing. Wasn't much left of it by now. Seemed like the only chance left was getting Stell to the hospital as fast as possible.

Didn't take long for another blow to fall. Hadn't been taking much notice of where we were, but it suddenly struck me that it was taking a hell of a long time to reach Presbyterian.

Asked the guys if there was a problem getting there.

'Nope, 'cause we ain't going to Presby,' driver replied.

I blinked. 'You're kidding me.'

'No, sir. Got a code black at Presby 'cause of the Rockefeller incident. They telling us to go to Mount Sinai. Your friend's likely going to be seen faster there.'

I tried arguing, it did no good. So I argued some more. In the end they told me to shut the hell up or they'd toss me out the back doors. I shut up.

Just like in the dream, we were going to Mount Sinai and that was that. Yet again it seemed like events were fated to happen. What that meant for Stell's chances of survival, I didn't know. I really didn't know. Best Icould do at this point was make sure EMS knew which streets to use to avoid the worst of the traffic, while trying to keep out the way while they gave updates to the hospital and tried to stabilise Stella. I probably pissed them off no end, but whatever.

'Hang in there, Stell, please. Just hang in there.' Willed her to open her eyes, or something, anything to give me a bit more hope. But there was nothing. Only tiny bit of reassurance I had was that she was breathing and still had a steady heart rate. For the moment.

Despite the short cuts, it still felt like hours until we reached the hospital. Stell had been out of it for most of the journey. At least EMS had been able to finally control the bleeding, although they hadn't been able to stop it. I held back while they lifted Stell out of the ambulance then followed behind as close as I could. Tried not to look back at the blood on the floor of the bus and the blood-soaked swabs that'd been tossed aside.

Soon as we got inside the ER, there was a team of medics waiting to meet us. Briefly as possible, keeping an eye on Stell, I flashed my badge at the nurses' station, told them who I was – co-worker and friend - and that Detective Mac Taylor was Stell's next of kin.

Fast as I could, I scrawled down Mac's name and number, and got that horrible sinking feeling again. There'd still been no message from Mac, and the vision of him arriving too late reared up in my mind again.

I shuddered, and hurried away from the nurses' station to get back to Stell.

They were already moving her towards a treatment room as EMS handed her over.

'…stab wound to the lower thorax. Severe blood loss. Blood pressure dropping, currently 80 over 60. Briefly responsive, unconscious for the last ten minutes.'

I butted in, telling them that it was a piece of broken glass that had stabbed her, and that it had happened approximately 30 minutes ago...

'Thank you, sir. We'll take it from here.'

I continued as if I'd not been interrupted. 'And you need to know that she's in danger of going into cardiac arrest at any moment so you need to get a crash team here _now_.'

With the memory of the future I had, I was _dead_ certain about that.

Should have expected it, but it was still a shock when, rather than doing what I said, they told me to move out of the way.

I wasn't giving up that easily and followed them into the treatment room, squeezing in before they could stop me.

'I ain't messing around: she's going to go into cardiac arrest. You have to understand.' I grabbed the doc's arm, trying to get her attention.

She pulled her arm from my grasp. Didn't even look at me as she said, 'Get this man out of here. We need to take the patient down to the OR soon as she's stable enough.'

Someone else took a hold of my shoulder. 'Sir, you need to leave now.'

'Not without you listening to me,' I'd raised my voice. Tension in the room had risen, too. 'You don't understand, she's…'

The hold on my shoulder tightened.

'Sir, _you_ have to understand that she's our patient and the doctor makes the decisions regarding her treatment.'

'So she's your patient, but you can still take some advice, right?' I glanced desperately at Stell as they fixed her up to another monitor, hooked a bag of blood onto a stand next to the bed and cut through her blazer to attach an IV line. 'This is going to sound crazy, but I _know_ what's going to happen, I _know_ , OK? If you take her down to the OR and she arrests on the way there, she's not going to make it.'

'And you got your psychic medical degree from which school?' The guy holding my shoulder snarked. 'Get out of here before we got to have you removed.'

Felt a white hot anger rising up in me as I shook him off and got in his face. 'Listen, _buddy_ , all I'm asking is that you prevent her going into cardiac arrest and dying!'

Guy wasn't budging. ' _You're_ the one putting your friend's life in danger by standing here arguing and distracting us. I'm giving you one more chance to leave quietly before I call security.'

What did I do? Keep arguing and get thrown out, leaving Stella to her fate; or concede, leave the room and leave Stella to her fate that way. There had to be another option, surely?

I glanced around, saw a security guard eyeballing me. I was running out of time.

'All right, let's get her down to the OR,' the doc ordered. Someone else pushed me out of the way as they started to get ready to move Stell. What else could I do? I had to stop them. So I grabbed the gurney, yelled again that they had to listen to me. Carried on yelling even as the security guard hauled me out of there.

They were going to take Stell out of reach. I struggled with the guy holding my arms. It was a no go. I wasn't strong enough.

Then the anger in me fought back.

Stell didn't deserve none of this. It was _wrong_. I knew, _knew_ that Death was waiting. And I knew with equal certainty that I was going to make that bastard wait a _hell_ of a lot longer for Stell.

I had one last chance.

I let the guard move me away, just enough so that he'd think I wasn't going to do nothing more. In the treatment room, something was holding them up, they were struggling with an IV line. Exactly the delay I needed. Soon as the guard relaxed his hold, I took my chance.

' _Hey!_ I need help here! I need a crash cart in treatment room three, _now!_ Patient in cardiac arrest!'

I hollered so loud, every head in the place turned towards me. For a second, everyone froze. Then they moved. Kicked off a whole lot of activity, people shouting, running towards Stell…

That exact moment, Mac burst through the entrance; looked around wildly and saw it all. I saw him stop dead at the sight of Stell's bloodied, lifeless-looking body lying on the gurney, surrounded by medics. He flinched, visibly. His usual poker face failed and his emotions were exposed – disbelief, horror and sheer terror.

'Stella…'

He started running towards her. Breaking free from the security guard, I reached Mac just in time to haul him out of the way of the crash team.

' _Stella!'_

'Mac, stay back, OK?' I grabbed his arms, hoping like hell this was going to work, that I'd made the right call.

Seemed like I had, as the very next moment, among all the confusion, an alarm blared from the monitors attached to Stell. The line on the monitor had gone haywire. The fact I'd been expecting it didn't make it any less horrible.

' _No!'_ Frantic, Mac lunged towards her. ' _Stella!_ ' The way he shouted her name… _Damn_. The desperation in his voice would haunt me for a long time.

I had to heave him against the wall, trying to get him to calm down.

'You interfering ain't going to help her, Mac!'

Nothing else I could do then except keep a hold of Mac and watch as the crash team got to work, hoping desperately it wasn't too late. Beside me, Mac was silent, couldn't even hear him breathing. The muscles in his jaw were rigid and his fists were clenched. Was easy to tell from the tension in him that he was ready to break away from me any chance he got to reach Stella. So I kept him pinned against the wall. Tried to ignore the hideous sound of the alarm and the whine of the defibrillator, while I willed Stella to survive.

Mac's eyes stayed fixed on Stella.

Face set, the doc again called, 'clear!'

It wasn't working. They were losing her. The image in front of me began to blur and for a moment I swear there were two images, almost laid over the top of each other: one stronger, the other weakening; one in which Stella had already lost her fight for life, the other still uncertain. The last tiny bit of hope I had gave a kind of dying gasp, and burst out of my mouth in a yell.

' _Dammit,_ Stella, this is an injustice! You have to fight this, come on, _fight_!

Couldn't say any more. Had nothing left. Again, the doc called 'clear', but this time I could see the look she gave the others. She wasn't going to continue much longer.

'Stella, please, stay with me.' Mac's voice cracked on the last word, got lost in the noise around us.

I closed my eyes, felt my head slump forward onto my chest.

Almost missed it when the doc shouted, 'We got a pulse.'

Pretty sure my own heart skipped several beats.

Mac inhaled sharply.

I found my voice again, found my hope reviving. 'Come on, Stella, _come on_. You can do this, keep fighting.'

She did.

Gradually, that jerky line on the monitor steadied and the sound became a regular series of bleeps – one of the sweetest sounds I'd heard in a long time.

Catching my breath, and keeping a hold of Mac, I locked eyes briefly with the doc. She held my gaze for a moment, before looking down again at Stell.

We didn't have long to wait before they were moving Stell out of there and to the OR. Mac snatched the opportunity and grasped Stell's hand, holding on and hurrying alongside the gurney.

'I'm here, Stella. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be waiting for you…'

When Stell's fingers slipped out of his and he could go no further with her, Mac looked like a man who'd almost lost his hold on life. It was that moment, right then, that I understood exactly how much Stella meant to him. It was more than simply Jets games and coffee together; _way_ more. Stella was his life. That realisation sobered me even further. I took a hold of Mac's shoulder and told him that Stell would be okay, that she was tough, she was a fighter… Only hoped to God she _was_ tough enough. There was still one hell of a battle ahead of her. Without thinking about it, I found myself saying to Mac words I'd said before, in a different reality.

'This is Stella. You know damn straight she doesn't give up. She'll pull through, Mac.'

He looked at me with hollow eyes. 'She has to.'

Sighing heavily, I nodded.

I took hold of Mac's arm and steered him to the nearest waiting area. Got him into a chair but was too drained to even look for one myself. Simply slid down the nearest wall and stayed there.

Dragging my hands down my face, it hit me that we were still a long way from escaping this nightmare. And, unlike the last few hours, I had no idea what was going to happen. As bad as the constant déjà vu had been, this was worse.

There was nothing I could do except wait.

* * *

 ** _Huge_ apologies for the wait for this chapter, and the previous cliffhanger... Please let me know what you think, even if you want to shout at me :P Lily x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey! Thank you for the lovely reviews. Thanks also to Isa for assistance :) Without further ado, here's the next chapter.**

Chapter 5

The two of us – me on the floor, Mac on a chair – sat there for the longest time. Neither of us moved, neither of us said a word. Couldn't speak for Mac, but I felt like a wrung-out dishcloth.

Finally, I lifted my head and looked up at Mac. He looked pretty much as he always did – neatly-dressed and unruffled – but I knew it was a different story on the inside. The give-away was in his eyes.

'Coffee?' I croaked. Whatever happened, it was going to be a long night.

Mac stared at me, like he'd only just noticed I was there.

'Sure,' he muttered.

After struggling to my feet, I dropped my hand on his shoulder. 'I'll be right back.' I took the small movement of Mac's head as indication he'd heard me and left.

Took some hunting around, but I managed to find some coffee that was actually half-decent, although frankly at that point anything containing caffeine would have been acceptable.

Mac hadn't moved when I returned. Least he glanced up at me when I gave him the coffee, and I was relieved to see he had at least a few sips of it.

I'd barely sat down when a nurse approached me, offered me a change of clothes. To be honest, I'd forgotten until then that I was wearing only a bloodstained vest over my pants. No wonder I'd gotten a few strange looks from people when I went for coffee. Wasn't sure at first if I should leave Mac again so soon, but I told him I where I was going, that I wouldn't be long. He glanced up at me, still looking pretty blank, but at least he'd registered what I'd said. Hesitated again, but figured he'd be OK for a few minutes at least and followed the nurse to a nearby side room.

Guy also suggested I get my injuries looked at. Didn't know what he was talking about until he pointed out the cuts over my arms. Turned out to have them over my back as well. Soon as they were cleaned up (didn't need stitches or nothing else), I pulled on the shirt the guy had found for me and made my way back to where I'd left Mac. Barely noticed me when I sat down again - glanced at me and that was that.

I'd downed the last of my coffee when he turned to me, his eyes still with that hollow look in them.

'What happened, Don?'

After a few moments' consideration, I told him as if I was giving a statement. From the moment the kid had run into us and how Stell must have been stabbed by a piece of broken glass when we went down, to right before Mac had got to the ER. Didn't miss a single detail, other than the whole dream and déjà vu thing of course. Kept to the bare facts as I knew them, was too exhausted to do any more.

Mac listened in silence. Saw his fingers tightening round the cup he was holding once or twice but that was the only outward reaction.

'… and the rest you know,' I finished.

Mac nodded, and looked me up and down.

'You get hurt?'

I shrugged. Told him other than a few scratches I wasn't injured. Mac gave another brief nod and turned away again.

Then came even more waiting. Mac sat absolutely still, back rigid, staring straight ahead of him. Was like he was trying to contain everything he was feeling, keep it hidden. It was only 'cause I'd known him so long that I could figure out some of his emotions. Fear and shock were visible in his eyes, but there was something else, too; something I couldn't quite figure out.

Few times I opened my mouth to say something to him, anything to break the silence, but I had no idea what to say. No idea at all.

As Mac clearly wasn't in a state to do it, I pulled out my phone and started working through all the messages I'd gotten regarding Stella. That took a while, 'cause then I had to reply to the replies, and by the time I'd finished, I was yawning uncontrollably. Heaved myself out of my chair then and went looking for more coffee. Told Mac I'd be back in a few minutes, but I don't think he took in what I said - looked kind of surprised when I returned and put another cup into his hands.

Empty cups stacked up between us and my phone kept buzzing with texts from Messer, Hammerback, Hawkes and the rest. Got real short with them in the end and fired off a group text to say I couldn't tell them what I didn't know, and I'd message soon as I _did_ hear anything.

Then I felt like a jerk.

I slumped in my chair and sighed. No news was good news, right? That moment, it was the only hope I had to cling to.

We kept on waiting. Didn't take long for the caffeine to get me jittery. I stood, then I sat. Then I stood again. Used the restroom, walked up and down the corridor, eventually sat down again. Mac didn't move the entire time.

Finally, at some point in the early hours, I saw a tired-looking surgeon heading towards us. Mac got to his feet immediately; so did I. Felt my heart thudding with apprehension. This was out of the realms of the dream and I had no idea what to expect.

After confirming who Mac was, the woman took him aside to speak to him. Seeing as I considered myself Stell's next next-of-kin, I listened in.

When she told us that Stella had made it through surgery, my hopes soared and the nightmare shrank further away – even Mac seemed to fractionally relax. But our relief was short-lived.

'The main issue was the internal damage and the severity of blood loss, which led to her going into shock and cardiac arrest,' the surgeon explained to us. 'It's meant a lengthy and complicated procedure to repair the damage and remove all the fragments of glass, and that's put Stella's heart under more stress.'

I felt my own heart sinking, and glanced at Mac. He looked grim.

'What exactly does that mean?' he asked, and I could hear the tension in his voice.

'It means, unfortunately, we can't guarantee she won't suffer another cardiac arrest.'

Even though I hadn't exactly been expecting Stell to be up and about, asking to get out of the hospital, I _had_ hoped things to be a bit more promising.

'What else?' Mac demanded, staring hard at the woman. The surgeon sighed, and I realised there was worse to come.

'Stella hasn't regained consciousness yet. Until she does, we can't fully assess any further complications there might be from the blood loss and the length of time she was without oxygen during the cardiac arrest. She's in critical condition and we've placed her in the ICU to monitor her closely.'

I felt my hopes crushed. Mac received the news with, on the surface at least, his usual stoicism. But I could see it was a heavy blow.

'How long until she regains consciousness?' he asked flatly.

The surgeon lifted her hands, looking apologetic. 'Honestly? I can't say for sure. I'm sorry, I wish I could, Mr Taylor, but every patient responds differently. In some ways, the fact she's unconscious gives her more chance to recover physically from what's been a major trauma. For the moment, she's stable and we're making sure she's getting enough oxygen. It's a case now of waiting to see how Stella responds to the drugs and the treatment.'

His eyes kind of clouding over and shoulders sagging, Mac looked bleak. I felt the same – the nightmare scenario of the dream still hadn't gone away.

'She's got at least a fighting chance right now,' surgeon said as she rubbed her forehead. 'And if she makes it through the next 24 hours, she's got a better chance. The fact that she's otherwise fit and healthy is very much in her favour.' Again she gave us that apologetic look. 'I'm sorry, I know you wanted to hear something more positive.' She paused, looking at Mac, before she spoke again, 'Listen, I'll give you my personal opinion: not everyone with that sort of injury and blood loss would have made it this far. That Stella has, gives me reason to be hopeful she has the strength to make a full recovery in time.'

'Stella's the strongest person I know,' I said, feeling that I had to say it, for both Stella and Mac. 'She's a fighter.'

Something that might have been a smile appeared on Mac's face for a second.

Surgeon quirked an eyebrow. 'I've no doubt about that.'

Then Mac asked to see Stell.

Surgeon lowered her eyebrows, frowning. 'Normally, I'd prefer you to wait a while longer, but as we've got her settled in the ICU, I can allow you to see her for a short time…'

'Both of us?' I stepped forward, giving her my most hopeful smile.

'And you are?' She was unmoved by the smile.

Mac intervened, telling her who I was. I added that I'd been at the scene with Stell and had ridden in with her in the bus.

Arms folded across her chest, surgeon gave me a piercing look. 'All right. Two minutes, no longer,' she said. 'And when the nurse asks you to leave, you leave. Instantly. Got it?'

'Got it,' I said, adding after a second. 'Thanks.'

She gave me a softer look before telling us where to find the ICU and heading on her way.

On the way to the ICU, I told Mac that I'd clear anything he needed clearing with Sinclair. It was the least I could do after he and Stell had covered my ass last year and saved me from a whole lot of trouble with Sythe.

Mac gave me a quick thanks, and then we were at the entrance to the ICU. Both of us slowed down, unsure, I guess, and hesitated. The place was set out in a kind of horseshoe shape – nurses' station in the middle and glass-walled rooms around it. Aside from me and Mac, there seemed to be no one else visiting at that hour. The low-level lighting and the state of mind we were in meant we just stood there until the nurse at the desk caught my eye.

'Can I help you gentlemen?'

I drew Mac over, explained who we were here to see.

'Come right on in. I was paged to expect you.' She smiled and came around from behind the desk. 'Stella's in room two, I'll take you to her.' I pushed Mac forward while I told the nurse he was the one allowed to stay with Stell.

'Oh, sure. Sure thing,' she said, comprehension in her face as she glanced at Mac.

We followed her, and I felt suddenly apprehensive about seeing Stell, what kind of state she might be in. If Mac felt the same, he wasn't showing it, other than a muscle twitching in his jaw that gave away something of his anxiety.

As we reached the open glass door of the cubicle, he slowed down until the nurse touched his arm.

'Go on in,' she said.

'Right behind you, Mac,' I said. He gave me a brief look, and we entered the room.

As much as I'd prepared myself, it was still a punch to the gut seeing Stell. She looked more fragile lying unconscious in that hospital bed than I'd ever seen her. It brought it home to me even more how real this was; how close we'd been to losing Stell; how close we still _were_ to losing her.

'Hey, sweetie, couple visitors for you,' the nurse said to Stell, smiling down at her as she made a careful adjustment to the oxygen mask and stroked her cheek.

Only real sign of life was the heart monitor at the side of Stell's bed. I took a small amount of reassurance from the fact that it was steady. Even so, I couldn't lose the fear from a few hours earlier when they'd had to resuscitate her. And the sick fear I had that maybe I'd only saved her life temporarily; that she might still die; that we could still lose her.

Shook my head to try and clear those thoughts and took a step closer to the bed. 'Hey, Stell,' I brushed her fingers. 'Ain't got long so I'm going to keep it brief. You got to hang in there, you hear me? Remember how much you hate being in the hospital? How much sick leave you _don't_ want to be taking? Yeah, so you got to get yourself better soon so you can get out of here. You owe me a pretzel and lunch, too. I ain't forgotten about that.' Tried not to notice as I spoke to her how pale she looked, how cold her hand felt and how there wasn't even a flicker of her eyes to indicate she'd heard me. Had to believe that somehow she might be aware. I had to take any chance there was, so I kept going. 'Listen, Stell, you got this far, you got to keep on fighting. Besides,' I added, glancing sideways, 'I got someone with me you wanted to see. Mac's here, like I told you he would be. He's right here with you.'

Was aware of Mac shifting slightly. Couldn't say any more, though, as the nurse tapped me on the shoulder.

'Your two minutes is up.' She was sympathetic, but firm. Reluctantly, I gave Stell's fingers a squeeze and told her I'd see her soon.

'I'll wait outside, Mac,' I said and he nodded, barely looking at me before his eyes returned to Stell.

'Mind if I hang out here?' I asked the nurse in a low voice before I left the room. 'I just want to stay a while longer to make sure Mac's OK.' Right now, he was as vulnerable as I'd ever seen him. 'He and Stella are very good friends of mine,' I added.

'Sure, honey.' She gave me an understanding smile.

So I stood a little way from the door, shifting from one foot to the other, aware of how exhausted I was, but not ready to leave. Still felt that Stell and Mac needed me there.

 _Don Flack, Guardian Angel_ …

Least that image gave me something to smile about for the first time in hours. Jess would have laughed at that, too…

Man, _how_ I wished she was with me. Sighing, I rubbed my hand over my face and blinked a few times.

Looked again into the room. Mac was standing in exactly the same place, his gaze fixed on Stella, like he couldn't believe she was really there. He had his hand kind of hovering over the side of the bed, close to Stell's hand, but not touching it. Even from where I stood I could see his hand shaking. I'd never seen him like this before, in all the years I'd known him. It shook me.

The nurse gave Mac an appraising kind of look before she moved the chair by the bed slightly towards him and said, 'It's OK if you want to sit down, honey.'

Mac hesitated, but sat after a moment, almost mechanically, his back and shoulders rigid. The nurse checked a few things in the room before telling Mac she'd be back soon. He managed to tear his eyes away from Stell for a second to acknowledge her.

Soon as she'd left, Mac's stance changed: his shoulders slumped and his head dropped into his hands. Like everything holding him together had finally given way.

Seeing him like that, head in his hands, looking completely broken… _damn_. Almost broke me as well. This was a Mac Taylor unknown to me – a guy I'd thought was unbreakable was now almost in pieces. Could practically feel my reality shifting, even more than it had done already today. More than that, it hit me again how much Stella meant to him.

Left me thinking that, like in the nightmare I'd had, if we lost Stell, we'd likely lose Mac, too.

Both their lives were on the line and right now, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

* * *

 **Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a busy couple of months. Let me know if you're still reading and do drop me a review :D Lily x**


	6. Chapter 6

**A happy new year to everyone! Thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapter, and to _Strandstorken_ and _Ballettmaus_ for their help. Here's the latest instalment! **

Chapter 6

Don't think there'd been a time when I'd felt more helpless than I did standing there, knowing there was nothing more I could do for Stell and Mac.

Why had this happened? _Why?_ Anger started rising up in me. It was all so damn _unfair._ If there'd been something nearby to punch, I'd have happily punched the hell out of it… If I'd had the energy to.

A calm voice interrupted my thoughts. 'No point you standing when there's a perfectly good chair right here,' the nurse said, indicating one she must've brought over. 'You look like you'd benefit from sitting down for a bit. In fact,' she gave me a critical stare, 'you look like you'd benefit even more from _lying_ down and sleeping.'

Gave her a wry look as I felt my fists unclench. 'Probably.'

'How long you planning on staying?'

I shrugged. 'Just want to make sure they're OK. Well, Mac mainly.'

She nodded. 'I understand that.' She glanced through to Stell and Mac. 'You all known each other a long time?'

'Got to be ten years. Longer for Stella and Mac.'

'They're partners, right?'

Felt a smile forming on my face. 'In pretty much every sense.'

She nodded again, look of compassion in her eyes. 'I guessed. You don't get to work here for more than fifteen years without learning a thing or two about relationships. Somewhere like here, in a life or death situation, that's where you discover the truth and depth of a relationship.'

The sincerity of her words, coupled with what I'd just seen of Mac gave me a sudden startling moment of clarity. Mac loved Stella. He was _in_ love with her. There was no question about that anymore. Of course he did. How had I not realised? It had been in plain sight all along. I looked across at Mac, saw him now holding Stell's hand, and gained a whole a new understanding. It was the way he held her hand, with such care and tenderness, visible even from where I was standing that made me see that he loved her, loved her more than maybe he'd realised himself until this happened.

Felt literally like my head was spinning. I was exhausted and dazed after all the events of the day, and the truths that had been revealed.

The nurse gave me that critical look again. She had to have been at least a foot shorter than me, but I had a feeling that at that moment, she could have pushed me with her pinkie and I'd have toppled over. I was very grateful for the chair she pushed me down onto.

'Honey, I'm going to allow you another ten minutes here, and then I'm sending you home in a cab. I can see how much you care for your friends, but it won't do them the least bit of good if you pass out from exhaustion.'

I wanted to argue, but I had enough sense left to know she was right and that I'd get absolutely nowhere by arguing. Besides, I was too tired to argue. So I agreed. Next moment, the phone at her station rang and she excused herself. I sat there, hoping I'd be able to get up again.

After being so quiet, suddenly the ICU got busy. Another phone call followed, then a doctor came in and spoke with the nurse. It was enough noise and activity to stop me falling asleep in the chair. Sent some texts while I sat there, knowing there were people waiting anxiously to hear about Stella. Kept my eye on Mac, too.

Before I knew it, my ten minutes were up and the nurse was standing beside me, telling me she'd called a cab and it would be waiting at the main entrance for me.

'Just, please, do me one favour?' I asked struggling up from the chair.

'If I can, I will.'

'Take my number, and if… well, you know, if anything changes, call me. Please.'

'I can do that, honey.'

'Thank you.' I handed her my card and she read it.

'Detective Don Flack…' She held out her hand out to me. 'I'm Dalia. Dalia Nicholls.'

'Good to meet you, Dalia, and thank you again. I appreciate it.'

'No problem. Now go get your cab and I expect I'll see you tomorrow.'

'You will.'

She touched my arm. 'Your friends are in safe hands here, Don.'

Sighing, I looked through to Stell's room. Saw some of that awful despair was gone from Mac's face and he still had a hold of Stell's hand. Might be only a small gesture to an outsider, but now I knew what lay behind it, it was a powerful one. It was hard to leave them both, but seeing that connection reassured me a bit.

Something about Dalia reassured me, too. I don't know, maybe the way she'd told me they'd be in safe hands with such assurance. Whatever it was, I left feeling more confident than I'd thought possible.

As I collapsed onto the back seat of the cab, I tried to create an image of myself going back to the ICU tomorrow, seeing both Stell and Mac, hearing that Stella had improved. Guess I was trying to create a counteraction to the dream. Ain't my style, this sort of thing, but in the circumstances I was willing to try anything to help Stell. So I kept running my imagined vision of tomorrow through my mind, kind of like a blurry bit of movie footage. Got so focused on it that the cabbie had to tell me we'd stopped outside my building.

Must have been around 4am by the time I stumbled through my front door. Was so tired I could barely make my legs move. Don't remember it, but I must've got as far as the couch 'cause I woke up on it still fully dressed. Only felt like I'd been asleep a few minutes, but according to my phone it was after 7am. Considering the number of messages I'd gotten, I was surprised the alerts hadn't woken me. Scrolled through them quickly and felt a huge relief that none were from Dalia. Nothing from Mac either, which I decided to take as good news until I heard differently. Toyed with the idea of calling him, but decided on a text instead. Tossed some coffee down my throat before I left. It was going to be a long day.

Don't think anyone expected me to show up today, but the last thing I wanted to do was sit at home and think about everything. Slipped in as quietly as possible but still got bombarded with questions about Stella. Know they all meant well, but I could have done without it. Was real glad when the guys who'd caught the case – Connor and Fernandez – arrived in the bullpen to take my statement. Meant I got that over with before lunch.

'We'll bust the kid's ass,' Connor said as we finished up. 'He's known to our guys. Been stealing from stores round here for the last few months, but we hadn't managed to get a hold of him until now.'

'Just sorry you and Bonasera had to run into him,' Fernandez said, looking pissed, asking after a beat, 'How's she doing?'

'She's in the ICU at Mount Sinai,' I told them. 'Haven't heard any more since last night.'

Fernandez shook his head and Connor gave a grunt of anger.

'From what I know of her, Bonasera's one tough lady,' Fernandez said. 'She ain't going down without a fight.'

I half smiled, remembering what I'd said to Mac last night. 'You got that right.'

'Taylor staying with her?' Connor asked. 'They're pretty tight, aren't they?'

'Yeah, they're close. Been partners a long time.'

Connor exchanged a knowing glance with Fernandez.

Didn't have time to ponder on that as the guys had more to tell me: namely that even though Stell and I hadn't made it inside the bodega, their guys had, and had discovered something in there…

'A body? You've got to be kidding me?'

'Must be the unluckiest store in Manhattan,' Fernandez said, shoving his pen behind his ear. 'Gets robbed by the kid who ran into you, _and_ a corpse in the liquor aisle. Haven't ID'd him yet but my guys are working on that. Hammerback's doing the autopsy.'

'You think the kid who ran into us had already killed someone in the store?'

'That is what we've yet to establish. Perp's not talking.'

'CCTV footage?'

Connor nodded. 'Ross at the crime lab's reviewing it now.'

'Wow,' I said weakly.

'Anyways, we got to get going.' Fernandez stood up. 'We'll keep you updated.'

'Yeah. Yeah, you do that.' Feeling dazed (which was becoming a familiar sensation) I sat back in my chair. Didn't even notice Sythe coming my way until he was looming over me.

'Flack, how you doing? How's Bonasera?'

Told him what I'd told Connor and Fernandez. He looked grim. 'We'll throw the book at the son of a bitch.'

'Absolutely.'

He leaned back against the wall. 'So, how's Taylor taking it?'

That took me by surprise. 'What do you mean?'

Sythe shrugged. 'I know he and Stella are very close.' He looked at me expectantly. Geez, was there _anyone_ in the NYPD who didn't think there was more than a professional partnership between Mac and Stella?

'He was pretty shaken,' I said, making the understatement of the year. 'I left him with her in the ICU last night.'

'Really? Heard he was back in the lab an hour ago.'

'I don't think so.' Weird as it seemed, I really didn't want that to be the case. Somehow, after seeing, and realising, all I had last night, I was expecting Mac to still be with Stell. So that might have made me continue a bit more forcefully than necessary. 'No, he ain't going to be back in the lab yet. No way.'

Sythe frowned, about to say something, but whatever it was, was forgotten at the sight of the man coming towards us.

'Taylor!' Sythe looked almost as shocked as me at seeing Mac. 'What are you doing here?'

'My job?' Mac's lip curled slightly as he stopped in front of us.

'How's Stella?' Heart pounding, I hardly dared ask: surely Mac hadn't come here because…

'She's still unconscious but holding her own.'

I heaved a sigh of relief. 'That's good to hear.' Took a closer look at Mac, noting that he didn't look like a man who'd seen his bed recently. 'How long were you at the hospital?'

Mac looked between both of us, his face impassive. 'Until a couple hours ago. I heard there were developments in the case. What do we know?'

'Uh, yeah…' I told him what I knew, Sythe providing details of what I didn't know. Mac listened without any visible emotion.

'You're going to question him again?'

Sythe nodded. 'Soon as we get the results of the CCTV from your guy at the lab.'

'I'll get on to Adam and see how he's doing,' Mac replied pulling his phone out, just as Sythe got a call and excused himself. After hearing Mac's side of the call, which was impatient and short, I had to feel sorry for Adam.

Soon as he'd finished the call, I offered Mac coffee, which he turned down.

'Have you slept?' I asked, already knowing the answer. 'Shouldn't you at least go home and get an hour or so of sleep?'

There was that look, for a second, in his eyes again and then it was gone. 'My time is going to be better spent here helping get the guy who put Stella in the hospital,' he said.

That I understood, and that he probably wanted to keep himself busy as well. All the same I couldn't help feeling, I don't know, a kind of disappointment. Part of me had expected that he'd still be at the hospital with Stella, conveniently forgetting the practical difficulties with that in an ICU ward. It was also a bit disconcerting, to say the least, to experience that disappointed feeling, and recognise how much I was already invested in the relationship between Mac and Stella.

'They toss you out of there this morning?' I asked, wanting to lighten the situation a bit.

A smile appeared for a moment on Mac's face. 'Not exactly. Next of kin are allowed to stay as long as they want, within reason.'

'Right.' Along with the disappointment, was a sudden annoyance with Mac. I just about managed to swallow what I was about to say - that if anything happened, he'd have left Stell on her own. Instead I asked him, bluntly, if he was going back later to see her. Actually it was more of a statement than a question.

'Later, yes,' he said before his expression changed, becoming professionally neutral. 'Anything else I need to know about the case?'

And that was that, conversation over as far as Mac was concerned. It annoyed me even more; actually, I was pissed with him. What if anything happened to Stell, if she took a turn for the worse, would Mac be able to get back to her in time? That touched a still-raw nerve in me after Jess's death. So I was pretty blunt answering Mac about the case and had to really bite my tongue to stop myself calling him out for leaving Stell, especially as I recalled his promise to her yesterday that he'd be there with her.

If he noticed, Mac didn't say nothing.

Little while later, after Adam had likely worked at miracle speeds and sent over the CCTV results, Connor and Fernandez brought the perp back for further questioning.

Though neither Mac nor me could take part in the interrogation, both of us observed.

Close to, perp looked a lot younger than he had the day before, probably barely 18. Still, old enough to face the consequences. Mac was grim-faced, listening to every word; I had half my attention on him, half on what was going on in the room. Perp denied any responsibility for Stella's injury, also denied any knowledge of the dead guy from the bodega, even when Connor presented him with stills from the CCTV that showed him gesturing and apparently yelling at the dead guy. What we'd got from the footage wasn't clear enough, unfortunately, to show any more than that, but it was obvious the kid was lying.

After the interview he was taken past us. Mac didn't take his eyes off of him. Man, if looks could kill… Perp just stared back, then smirked as he passed me. Could feel the tension coming from Mac. He was like a loaded gun with the safety off.

I'd expected Mac to head back to the hospital after the interrogation, but he didn't. Said he was going back to the lab.

'Can't keep away from the place, can you?' I shot back before I could stop myself. Mac didn't react.

I went with him to the lab. It was a tense journey. Officially, I was there for updates; unofficially, I wanted time out from the precinct, and to accompany Mac.

With Stell in the ICU, the lab was sober. Adam was pulling every last bit of information he could from the tapes, while Lindsay, Danny and Hawkes worked on other evidence from the scene. I missed the usual buzz of conversation.

Mac wasted no time getting the latest information from everyone before he headed down to the morgue. Now call me squeamish, but Hammerback's basement is not a place I'm happy to visit unless I have to. Give me a corpse lying out in the open over one cut open on his tables any day. Unluckily for me, shortly after Mac had gone down there, he called me to join him.

'Recognise this guy?' Mac asked as I left the elevator.

I walked over and took a closer look at the dead guy's face, and realised that yes, I did. 'Jason Gradziki, right?' I looked at Mac, who nodded.

'I take it you both know this gentleman?' Hammerback said.

'Wouldn't exactly call him a gentleman,' I said dryly. 'Came across him a year or so ago in connection with a drug deal gone wrong. Couldn't pin anything on him, though. Not a nice guy.'

'And now a dead one,' Hammerback said.

'Possibly killed by the same guy responsible for Stella being in the hospital,' I told him, glancing at Mac who was stony-faced. 'Have you established COD?'

'I have. He was stabbed,' said Hammerback which gave me a jolt.

'Any idea what with?' I remembered the knife our perp had, and how clean it was.

'Something with a serrated blade, at least 6 inches long.' Which ruled out the knife we'd found on our perp. I said as much.

'Doesn't mean he didn't have it and disposed of it before he got to you,' Mac pointed out.

'Has the murder weapon been found?' I asked. 'Guy would have been limited in where he could have tossed it.'

Mac shook his head. 'I'm sending Danny and Hawkes back to the bodega for another search.'

'Sure.'

'Anything else you can tell us, Sid?' Mac asked, but the ME shook his head.

'Not at the moment.' Before he asked Mac, 'Will you be seeing Stella later? Is she allowed other visitors yet?'

'Yes, I will be, but her doctors aren't allowing anyone else to visit yet. As soon as they do, I'll let you know. I know she'd like to see you,' Mac said, suddenly sounding tired, and I realised how worn he looked, and on closer inspection how he wasn't quite as impeccably dressed as usual – he'd even forgotten to put his lapel pin in his jacket. The anger I'd felt before faded then; Mac was dealing with this the only way he knew how – by working and throwing all his energy into that.

Hammerback peered over the top of his glasses at him. 'Mac, I'm so sorry. I know how close you and Stella are, and how much you care for her. I can only imagine how worried you must be.'

The rest of us might be thinking it, but only Hammerback would actually _say_ it to Mac.

There was a heavy pause. I waited, staring at Mac who appeared suddenly exposed like Hammerback had torn through his protective surface.

Finally, he spoke. 'Stella will get through this.'

'She will,' I butted in. 'I have faith that she will.'

'I have faith in Stella,' said Hammerback quietly.

Mac met his gaze and nodded, before he swung round abruptly. 'I have to call Sinclair. I'll see you both later.' He strode towards the elevator. Both of us watched him go.

Hammerback sighed. 'You know, I still can't believe this has happened, it seems unreal.'

'None of us can,' I said.

'You and Stella were in the wrong place at the wrong time,' he continued, 'A few minutes later, or earlier, and you likely would have avoided it.'

Didn't I know it.

'Are _you_ OK, Don? Were you injured?'

Told Hammerback, like I'd told Mac, that no, I hadn't been injured other than a few scratches.

'That's good to hear….' Hammerback leaned on the table in front of him and looked at me. 'It's affected Mac badly, hasn't it?'

'It's… yeah, he's taken it pretty hard. Like you said, he and Stell are close. Very close.'

'Something I've noticed more and more recently.'

'Which is why you were mysteriously unable to make the Jets game two nights ago, am I right?' I raised my eyebrows at Hammerback, who blinked innocently at me.

'Nothing mysterious about it. I was indisposed and suggested it was a shame for them to miss the game just because I couldn't make it.'

I swear there was a glint in his eye.

Wanted to ask him more, but one of his people came looking for him. Told him I'd talk soon and left.

I briefly considered going home to catch up on sleep, but again decided that I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts, or my dreams. So I headed back to the precinct.

Found more paperwork waiting for me on my desk. Actually, for once I didn't mind – meant I had something ordinary and predictable to focus on.

Unfortunately, after a few hours, my mind had other plans. Started to lose focus on the words in front of me and the feeling of unease I'd had yesterday came creeping back, and not long after that images from the nightmare flashed back into my mind. Different this time, though. This time Mac was the focus. Caught my breath as it played out again: Mac, mourning Stella, careless with grief, killed in a car wreck. The images wouldn't let go of me, even though I tried to fix my mind on the reports in front of me. Tried telling myself I'd defeated the dream in part already, so surely that meant the rest of the dream wouldn't happen now…

But after what had happened yesterday, maybe I shouldn't ignore it. On the other hand, what could I do? Tell Mac he shouldn't get in any kind of vehicle for the foreseeable future? Yeah, I could imagine how _that_ would go down.

But then again…

Maybe if I called Mac, find out when he was planning to go back to the hospital, maybe offer to call a cab for him or go with him… that couldn't do any harm. Might even do some good.

So I called him. Used the excuse of checking the name of a witness.

Turned out he was still at the lab. Had a quick conversation with him but didn't get the chance to ask when exactly he was heading to the hospital. Seeing as I'd finished all I had to do at the precinct, I decided (without saying anything to Mac) that I'd go check on him in person.

Found Mac sitting at his desk, staring at the files spread out in front of him; not reading them, not even seeing them. Didn't take much to figure out where his mind really was.

I knocked and opened the door. Mac looked up and frowned in surprise, but I walked on in anyway.

'Look like you've had enough of those files,' I jerked my head towards them, attempting to sound light-hearted. Mac grunted.

'When you heading back to the hospital?' I asked.

Mac glanced at the clock. 'Soon as I've finished with these.'

'So, any minute now, right?'

He cracked a wry smile for a second, and then, to my genuine surprise, closed the file he had open and picked up his jacket. 'Guess I should avoid the rush hour traffic if I leave now.'

'You getting a cab?' I walked with him out of the office and to the elevator.

'I am.'

I was relieved to hear that.

Conversation was thin on the ground as we walked out onto the street. Mac didn't make the offer, and I hesitated to ask if he minded me going with him. Felt torn, too, between wanting him to go be with Stell and wanting him to get some sleep before he hit the deck. Likely as not he'd be spending most of the night at Mount Sinai. But, what could I do? At least while he was with Stell in the ICU he was unlikely to come to any harm.

Waited with him until he got a cab, then watched until it was out of sight. Hailed one myself and was about to give directions to my building when I changed my mind. With that uneasiness about Mac still nagging at me, I told the driver to head to Mount Sinai instead.

* * *

 **Many thanks for reading! Please do leave a review! They're hugely appreciated :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello! How are you? I'm finally up from my sick-bed, having been coughing for weeks :( Maybe it serves me right for putting the characters through such emotional turmoil... :P**

Chapter 7

Of course, the cab caught every red light there was on the way to the hospital. But at least it gave me time to think about what I was doing, and if I was doing the right thing. I almost told the cabbie to take me home - but I didn't. Wanting to check on Mac overrode it, as did wanting to see how Stell was, even if it was just by asking Dalia. Would be good to see her, too, if she was on duty.

Dalia _was_ on duty at the ICU desk, which I was happy to see.

She looked up and smiled as she saw me. 'Hey, Don. How you doing?'

'Pretty good, thanks. You?'

'I'm doing good.'

'Is Mac here?'

'He is, honey. Arrived about twenty minutes ago. He's with Stella.'

'How is she?' I felt sure Dalia would have told me if the news wasn't good, but even so, I was still apprehensive.

'She's making progress – the first 24 hours after surgery are the most critical and she's through that and getting stronger.'

'Great. That's great.' I heaved a sigh of relief.

'You want to call in for a few minutes to see her?' Dalia asked, but after a few seconds' deliberation, I shook my head. Decided that bordered on intruding on Mac and Stell's space, and I didn't want to be that guy.

'Not right now. I think Mac needs time with her on his own.'

Dalia nodded, giving me a shrewd look. 'You're a good guy, Don, the way you look out for your friends.'

'Guess they'd do the same for me,' I said, embarrassed at the praise. Dalia patted my hand.

'If you want to stay a bit longer, how about you go get both of us a coffee and you can hang out here for a while?'

'Sounds good to me.'

It was definitely a better prospect than a night at home with nothing but trashy TV for company.

Along with the coffee, I picked up a couple of pastries, and Dalia's face lit up when I handed one to her.

'Honey, you can hang out here _every_ evening. Thank you so much.'

'My pleasure.' Made me pretty happy to know someone else enjoyed pastries as much as I did.

We had enough time to eat and finish our coffee before Dalia's attention was called elsewhere. While she was busy, I walked out into the corridor to stretch my legs, catch up on a few texts and take a leak.

When I returned to the desk, Dalia had a suggestion that overcame the problem of being an unwelcome visitor.

'How about you offer Mr Taylor a chance to take a break while you keep Stella company? He could probably use a bite to eat.'

'He probably could, but that don't mean he'll agree to it.'

Dalia quirked her mouth in acknowledgement, but said, 'Maybe not, but it's worth a try.'

'Promise not to say 'I told you so' if I'm back in ten seconds.'

She chuckled at that.

So I headed over to Stell's room, and paused at the door – Mac sat close to the bed, holding Stell's hand gently in both of his. His attention was focused on her completely.

When I knocked, he looked up, startled, but gestured for me to come in. Told him I'd come to see how Stell was.

He nodded at me, before he laid his hand on Stell's arm and said, 'Don's here to see you.'

'Hey, Stell,' I greeted her, brushing her hand which felt warmer to the touch than it had yesterday. 'Just wanted to tell you again to keep hanging in there, OK? And don't sleep for too long. Everyone's missing you, and there's going to be chaos at the lab if you ain't back there soon. Whole place is going to fall apart.'

Mac seemed faintly amused at that.

'Actually, I also came by to see if you wanted to grab something to eat while I stay with Stell?' I told him.

Mac frowned, about to refuse, so I carried on. 'Listen, I'm pretty certain you've been running on fumes for the last two days, Mac. Go get something decent to eat and I'll wait here, keep Stell company.'

He still hesitated, so I made the point that it wouldn't do Stell any good if he passed out from lack of food. He looked a bit sheepish at that.

'All right.' He picked up his jacket. 'You want anything?'

'No, I'm good.'

With a quick, caring look at Stell, he headed out of the room. So I sat down. Then, maybe because of her looking so lifeless, with a sudden desperation, I clutched her hand, willing her to wake up then and there.

'Stell, you've got to get through this, please. _Please_.' I squeezed her fingers, but they were limp within my hand, her eyes remained closed, and I let go with a heavy sigh.

Decided then the best thing I could do was to talk to her, whether she could hear me or not. So I did: told her I had her back, and that I'd make sure Mac was OK while she was in here; told her what developments there were in the case, before moving on to the latest gossip from the precinct and the lab.

After that, I paused for a minute, listening to the background noise. Let my gaze wander round the room, taking in the monitors, the lines and numbers on them, the rhythmic beeps from them; watched Stell breathing steadily; noticed the cards that had appeared on the nightstand, and then noticed something else. Something almost hidden among the cards. I stood up and moved round the bed to get a closer look. It was not what I'd expected to find. I picked it up – recognised the plastic keychain Mac kept his apartment keys on; a well-worn Cubs keychain, easily identifiable as his. It had to have been left on purpose, there was no way he'd have simply forgotten it as it had clearly been taken off his keys. But why would he have left that?

Puzzled, I put it back where I'd found it, figuring that it was placed so that when Stell woke up, she'd see it. Guess Mac had his reasons for it.

Short time later, Mac returned, and I stood up ready to go.

'Need anything before I head home?' I asked.

'No, thank you.'

'All right then, I'll leave you two in peace,' I said, patting Mac on the shoulder. 'Hang in there.'

'I appreciate you coming by, Don,' Mac said, surprising me.

'No problem.' Raised my hand and left him with Stell.

Took my leave from Dalia, too, and went to hail a cab.

Tidied up a bit when I got home and considered having a beer. Had a six pack sitting in the fridge, looking tempting and cold. Laid my hand on one of them, feeling the chill on the can… and left it in there. Nope. Not tonight. Settled for a soda instead, kicked back on the couch with it to watch some sports, and after that got into my actual bed for the first time in two nights.

Didn't dream anything that I remembered, and woke up feeling almost refreshed. Got to work in a pretty good mood, ready to face whatever the day might hold.

By the end of the morning, it had held a lot.

Our perp still wasn't talking, and we still didn't have anything from the CCTV that proved conclusively that he'd attacked the vic. _But_ the good news (from our point of view) was that Hawkes and Messer had found the murder weapon in the bodega and were working on it at the lab.

Went over there to catch up with them and found Mac in his office, which this time didn't surprise me.

'Hey, Mac.' I knocked and entered. 'How you doing?'

'Working through paperwork,' he said with a grimace. I sympathised.

He looked like he might have gotten some sleep, but if he had, it had probably been in the chair next to Stell's bed rather than his own bed. He was still clearly tired and stressed out.

'How's Stell doing?' I asked. 'Any news?'

Rubbing the back of his neck, Mac frowned. ''Not much, although I did see her doctor early this morning, who told me the wound's healing well with no infection, her vital signs are stable and her oxygen levels are getting back to normal, so they're cautiously optimistic about her chances.'

'Did they say when she'll wake up?'

'Only that it could be a while.'

'How long exactly is 'a while'?'

'She couldn't say.'

'You didn't interrogate her?' I wasn't entirely joking.

Mac smiled for an instant. 'Not on this occasion.'

I grunted, unhappy not to have a more definite answer. 'You back there this evening?'

'I am.'

I nodded. 'Give Stell my best wishes.'

'I will.'

Left him to finish his paperwork and headed off to catch up with Hawkes and Messer.

Hawkes was at a scene, and Danny was about to leave for one, so he promised to catch me at the precinct when he was done.

True to his word, few hours later, he came sauntering over to my desk.

'Hey, Flack. You good?'

'Pretty good. You?'

He smirked. 'Pretty and good.'

I rolled my eyes so hard at that. 'Two things you'll never be. How's Mac?'

Immediately, Danny's expression sobered. 'Definitely _not_ good. Looks like he's going to hit the deck from lack of sleep any minute. He's an accident waiting to happen, but I wouldn't want to estimate the odds of survival for anyone telling him to go home and rest.'

'Yeah, I hear you.' Sat back in my chair and decided to share something Sid had said to me yesterday. 'But you know, you got to feel sorry for the guy, this has thrown him into total chaos. Doesn't know how to deal with something that's so out of his control.'

Messer pulled up a chair, spun it round and sat on it. 'Guess not, but keeping on working when he's in this state isn't going to do him any good, or the rest of us any good.'

'Listen,' I said, 'I ain't trying to make excuses for the guy, but you know how he is - he might be up there when it comes to smarts, but in this kind of situation, he's lost, only way he can cope is to keep working.'

Danny rested his chin on his arms, looking unconvinced. 'Maybe.'

'Definitely. He's likely only just holding himself together. Work is probably the only thing keeping him going - means he can avoid thinking about how he's feeling, 'cause if he _does_ start thinking about that, it's going to break him.' I remembered that shattered, devastated Mac Taylor after we'd almost lost Stell in the ER. I also remembered how I'd been after Jess's death, trying to find anything to keep me from thinking about it.

'When did _you_ get so wise?' Danny snarked before he heaved a sigh. 'All right, fine. I take your point.'

'You know he's in love with Stella…' It was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Danny scoffed. 'No shit, Sherlock. You'd have to be pretty stupid _not_ to have realised that...' He stopped and stared at me. 'Wait… oh no, please, Flack, tell me you haven't only just figured that out?'

'No, of course not!' Too late, though. Could feel my face heating up and I'd denied it too quickly. Danny was already snickering and shaking his head.

'You have, haven't you? Oh _man_ , and you call yourself a detective. That's insane.'

'Yeah, very funny.'

'Seriously, though; _wow_. You _really_ hadn't guessed? Not even when he went after her to Greece?'

'I knew he cared a lot for her, but I didn't make that final connection until recently,' I said defensively. 'Anyways, you lab guys spend more time around them than I do. You got more chance of observing them.'

'Sure, Flack. Whatever you say.' Still smirking, Danny rooted around in his pocket, pulled out his buzzing phone and checked it, before standing up and punching me on the shoulder. 'Hey, moron, lucky for you, I got to go. I'll catch you later.'

'Yeah, yeah. Get out of here.'

Danny grinned. 'I'm going.' He strolled out, although not before turning back and shaking his head at me. 'Can't _believe_ you hadn't realised. That's hilarious…'

He'd gone before I could think of a smart insult. So, I was left feeling even dumber for not realising how things really were between Mac and Stell, and if I'm honest, disappointed that I hadn't been able to give Danny a big reveal.

By evening, feeling dissatisfied with not having more definite news on Stell, I headed to the hospital. Same as I'd done yesterday, I stopped at the desk in the ICU, so I didn't disturb Mac and Stell. Dalia was talking to someone when I arrived, but gave me a wave.

Watching her for a moment, while she finished talking to a doctor, I realised that each time I'd seen her, no matter what time of day or what emergencies had likely presented themselves to her, she was calm and collected, not a hair out of place. In fact, I noticed today that she'd swept her mass of braids into a gleaming black topknot held with a silver barrette. It suited her.

I said as much to her when she was free, and she smiled, patting it self-consciously.

'Thank you, honey. Nice of you to say.' Then she grinned. 'What can I do for you today, Don?'

'Mind if I hang out with you again for a bit?'

'I've no objection, you were very well-behaved yesterday.'

That made _me_ grin. 'As always. Hey, you want some coffee and a pastry? Don't know about you, but my stomach's rumbling.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Have you had a decent meal today?'

'A slice around lunchtime, bagel later in the afternoon.'

'Which isn't what _I'd_ call a decent meal.' She frowned at me, then brightened. 'Listen, why don't you head down to the canteen in the basement? Food's pretty good.'

I got a feeling it was less of a suggestion and more of an order, but I really was hungry and the prospect of food was appealing.

'Basement you say? Easy to find?'

Dalia looked thoughtful, and glanced at her computer screen. 'Not the easiest… but you know what, my break starts in ten minutes so if you wait, I can take you down there myself.'

'Sounds good. I'd hate to get lost in this place, be found wandering days later, driven crazy with starvation…'

Dalia shook her head with a smirk.

It took nearer twenty minutes before she was able to take her break, but I hadn't minded. Gave me a chance to answer a few texts, also take a bit of time out from everything.

It actually wasn't difficult to find the basement, and I could have managed it myself without any trouble, even so, I continued the joke, hoping Dalia would appreciate it.

'Thanks for saving me from a potentially embarrassing 'detective loses himself in the hospital' incident. Don't suppose you got a map I could borrow to find my way back out of here?' I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows.

Dalia rolled her eyes but chuckled. 'I can do better than that,' she said. 'If you've no objection to me joining you for something to eat, then I can escort you back myself.'

I certainly had no objection, so we found ourselves a table and Dalia introduced me to the Mount Sinai cuisine.

Food was surprisingly good, and added to the fact I was hungry, I dived right in, pausing for breath after a minute to grin at Dalia. 'Being a detective is hungry work.'

'So is being a nurse.' She took a large bite of her burrito.

Both of us knew the importance of eating quickly, knowing how easily a break or meal could be interrupted. As it happened, on this occasion, we had time to finish our meals without indigestion, and even had the opportunity to talk a bit, about our work and ourselves. I told her what I could about the current case and she listened sympathetically, asked a few questions. In turn, I asked her about how long she'd worked in the ICU, what she did outside of work. It was also on the tip of my tongue to ask her how Stell was really doing, but I couldn't find the right opening.

A silence had fallen for a short while, until I realised Dalia was giving me a considering look.

'Something on your mind, Don?'

Kind of startled, I looked up at her. 'Why'd you say that?'

She pursed her mouth. 'Instinct, I guess. You've looked like you were on the verge of asking me something since you got here.' She laid her hand on mine. 'If I can answer what you want to ask, I will. Go right ahead.'

It gave me exactly the opening I needed.

'Guess I'm still unsure about Stell's condition. Mac told me what the doc had said, but even though he ain't the kind of guy who shares a lot, it still seemed kind of vague. How's she really doing?'

Dalia nodded slowly. 'Good, she's doing good, Don. Really. The doctor's not hiding anything from Mr Taylor. Considering everything she's been through, Stella's doing better than expected.'

'But she's still unconscious. Shouldn't she be awake by now?'

'Not necessarily. At the moment, that isn't a concern, and in fact, we'd have been far more concerned if she'd woken up straight after surgery. That's often an indicator of problems ahead. A stab wound as deep as Stella suffered means there's a lot of tissue and muscle damage to heal, along with the associated shock to the body.'

I still wasn't entirely convinced, which Dalia must have realised.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, before leaning forward a little. 'OK, let me put it this way - a certain amount of time unconscious is allowing Stella time to recover without interruption. So, what I'd say to you is try and be patient, Don. Although,' she added, 'I do understand that's easier said than done.'

'You got that right.' I pulled a face. 'But thanks, I appreciate what you say.' Honestly, I did feel easier about the situation.

'Any time. Remember, honey, I promised you that your friends were in safe hands, and that I'd let you know if there was anything wrong, and I'll keep that promise.' Touching my hand, she smiled, her dark brown eyes reassuring, and I felt again an absolute trust in her words.

Minute or two later, Dalia was paged, and frowned at the pager.

'Everything OK?' The food I'd just eaten felt like lead in my stomach.

'Sorry, Don, I got to get back. New admission to the unit.'

I heaved a sigh of relief. Nothing had happened to Stella. What I was thinking must have been obvious as Dalia clasped my arm for a moment. 'Nothing for you to worry about.'

Gave her a quick smile. 'Thanks. I'll walk back with you.'

'Sure.' She smiled and we hurried out of the canteen.

Took until I'd left the hospital before my heartbeat returned to normal. Guess it had been a reminder that although Stell was making progress, she still wasn't out of danger. And I still hadn't shaken off the shadows from the dream.

That night, I slept badly.

Gave up trying to sleep in the end and dragged myself out of bed and onto the couch, where I flicked through the sports channels until it was a reasonable time for breakfast. By the time I reached the precinct, I'd already drunk three cups of strong coffee and was pretty wired.

Least the caffeine got me through a busy day. By evening, I was ready to head to the hospital again to see how Stell was, and go check on Mac as I hadn't had the opportunity to see him during the day. Realised I was also looking forward to seeing Dalia again.

At the ICU, Dalia greeted me with a beaming smile.

'Don! A _very_ good evening to you.'

It alerted me immediately. 'You're awfully cheerful, Dalia. Something I should know about?'

She grinned. 'Only that someone's waiting to see you…' She trailed off, looking meaningfully towards Stell's room.

'Stell's awake?' My heart leaped. 'Fantastic! When? Is she OK?'

Dalia beamed. 'A few hours ago. Go see her for yourself.'

I didn't need telling twice.

* * *

 **Many thanks for reading! Do drop me a review, even a word or two means a lot :D Lily x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! After 13 days in a row working, I've finally had a day off and a chance to finish the chapter! My apologies for the delay. Thank you to all who read and reviewed, including the two Guest reviews - thank you! I can't send a reply via the site, but your reviews are much appreciated!**

 **Hope you all enjoy the chapter :)**

Chapter 8

'Don't tire her out, it's still early days,' Dalia called after me. 'You got ten minutes!'

'Got it,' I threw over my shoulder, while I hurried towards Stell's room, weirdly nervous, but excited and hopeful at the same time.

I stopped at the door and OK, sounds clichéd, but the moment I saw Stell it felt like a huge weight rolled off of me. Neither she nor Mac saw me at first, because both of them were gazing at each other, totally oblivious to anything else. Stell lay against pillows, still with an IV line and oxygen cannula, looking awfully weak and kind of dazed, but despite all that, very much alive.

As for Mac, the change in _him_ was remarkable. He looked more alive than he'd done for days. And the way he looked at Stell was like… I don't know, like there was nothing else more important. How in the _world_ had I not realised the guy was so much in love with Stella? And as weak and exhausted as she was, the way she looked at him told me she felt exactly the same.

That was when I began to feel like an intruder - even considered creeping away and coming back later. In fact, I'd started to turn around when my shoe squeaked on the floor, betrayed the fact I was there, and the two of them looked up and saw me. So, then I had to go on in.

'Hey.' Couldn't stop grinning like an idiot as I headed over to Stell. Careful as I could, I leaned in and kissed her cheek. 'Good to see you, Stell. _Really_ good to see you.'

'You too, Don.' She clasped my hand. 'How're you?'

Her voice was a bit slurred and croaky, seemed to be kind of an effort for her to talk, but that wasn't surprising after almost three days unconscious. What reassured me was the light in her eyes, especially as she glanced at Mac.

'I'm the one supposed to be asking _you_ that,' I said as I sat down.

She gave me a drowsy smile. 'You first.'

'I'm doing good, keeping busy trying to stop Messer and Ross from rioting in the lab. Hear things are falling apart there without you.' Sent a sly glance towards Mac as I said that who simply gave me one of his deadpan looks.

Stell started to laugh, and then stopped with a grimace.

Mac was alert in an instant. 'Are you OK?'

Stell patted his arm. 'Just a twinge.'

'Seriously, though, Stell,' I said, 'how are you doing?'

'Couldn't chase any suspects right now… but doing OK,' she said, taking a bit of time to get the words out, but still managing a faint grin.

'Glad to hear it. You had us scared for a while there, Stell,' I said, looking quickly at Mac and noticing his hand around Stell's. 'Thought we were going to lose you.'

Shaking her head, her gaze turned back to Mac. 'You're not going to lose me.'

Those words were meant for only one person, and it sure wasn't me.

I chatted for a bit longer, keeping the conversation light and doing most of the talking myself. While Mac didn't say much, he hardly took his eyes off of Stell. Didn't let go of her hand neither, and the fact he was so open about it made me understand just how scared he must have been that he was going to lose her. Seemed like he couldn't entirely believe she was there, alive and conscious, in front of him. As for me, I couldn't totally believe it either. After the horror of the dream, and the even worse reality, guess I almost didn't dare to.

Didn't stay the full ten minutes I'd been allowed by Dalia, 'cause Stell and Mac likely needed some space.

'So I'm going to leave you two kids and go grab some dinner,' I announced, right before I remembered something else. 'Hey, Stell, when you get out of here you can buy me that pretzel you promised me.'

'I… promised you a pretzel?' She blinked in bewilderment.

'You did.'

For a moment she stared blankly at me, before realisation dawned on her face. 'I _did_ … I remember.'

'Good, 'cause I'm holding you to it.'

Wondered briefly how much she remembered of the whole thing, guess the less the better…

'Sure.' She smiled, but looked really tired now.

'Listen, don't go running around and getting into trouble. I'll come see you soon, OK?'

'Look forward to it.' She raised her hand before letting it fall back onto the sheets.

'See you later, Don,' Mac said, and with a wave, I left the room.

Left with a smile on my face, which got even bigger when I turned around to (yeah, I admit it) sneak a look at them, and saw Mac reach out and caress Stella's cheek with the backs of his fingers while she turned into his touch with her eyes closed. Seeing that, it struck me again how I was seeing a Mac Taylor who was totally new to me - that gentleness and tenderness was something I'd never seen before from him; even so, it seemed exactly right.

So despite my earlier caution I walked away feeling pretty upbeat and hopeful; optimistic even, things I hadn't felt since leaving the precinct with Stell three days ago.

'Well, honey, you look a whole lot happier than you did when you got here,' Dalia said as I strolled over to her. 'Good news, huh?'

'Absolutely. The best.' I was grinning from ear to ear. 'It's so great to see Stell awake…' Then a sudden uncertainty came over me as I remembered what the surgeon had said to Mac and me after Stell had come out of surgery. 'Is she really doing as well as she seems to be?'

Laying her hand on mine, Dalia gave me an understanding look. 'Honey, let me reassure you as much as I can – Stella's doctor is very pleased with the recovery she's making. There are still some tests that we need to do and we're going to continue monitoring her closely, but right now it's looking promising that she'll make a full recovery in time. I can tell you this, too: as soon as she woke up she asked for Mr Taylor.'

That did reassure me. A lot in fact, and I told Dalia it did. Although I wasn't wholly surprised that Stell had asked for Mac, it still kind of hit me in the heart.

'Mac wasn't here?'

'No, he'd left about an hour before. We called him soon as we could and he got here almost instantly.'

'I bet.' Wasn't hard to imagine how fast Mac would have gotten back there, no matter where he was.

'So are you going to hang out this evening?' Dalia asked. 'You're welcome to, but I've already had my break.'

That was disappointing, but as I'd got there later than previous days it helped me decide to go home and take a break from the hospital, which I probably needed. Also meant I could go send some texts to people who'd want to know about Stell. I said as much to Dalia, who actually looked disappointed as well.

'Guess I'll have to manage without coffee and pastries… oh, and the company of a certain very charming detective.'

'Charming, huh? Maybe good-looking and witty, too?' I gave her my most charming smile, enjoying the hint of flirting.

'All of that, and more,' Dalia said, dropping me a wink as she turned to answer the ringing phone. 'Have a good evening, honey. Look forward to seeing you tomorrow.'

'You too.' I walked out of the unit, an impulse making me turn back right before Dalia was out of sight. We gave each other a wave and I left feeling very contented.

Back in my apartment, it was a much happier task sending out a group text with the good news about Stell and the replies I got almost instantly made for much happier reading; the one from Hammerback most of all. Had no doubt he'd be one of Stell's first visitors. After working my way through replies, I called it a night.

Had probably the best night's sleep I'd had for a week, and woke up a hell of a lot better for it. Felt pretty chipper as I left for work.

The mood in the precinct, and the lab when I went over there, was like a cloud had been lifted from everyone. Same as had happened a few days ago, I got questions from almost everyone soon as I set foot in the place. Only this time, I didn't mind answering them now I could give a more positive answer.

According to Danny - my informant in the lab - Mac didn't show until almost lunchtime. Took that as a good sign. When I caught up with him later in the day, right before he headed out to a scene, he confirmed that Stella was doing well.

'That's great,' I said with feeling while I kept pace with him on the way to the elevator. 'Have you seen her doc today? What's she said now Stell's awake?'

'I saw her this morning. She's pleased with how Stella's recovering.'

Which was good to hear, of course, but kind of vague. So I pressed Mac a bit and managed to get from him the information that, as Dalia had mentioned, Stell would be undergoing various tests and scans today.

'Stell's going to _love_ that.' I said, going heavy on the sarcasm.

'She had things to say about it,' Mac said wryly.

We'd reached the elevator, but as Mac, unusually for him, seemed to be in the mood for sharing I held him up a bit longer. 'Has she asked you yet when she can break out of there?'

A flash of humour crossed Mac's face. 'Actually, she has.'

He paused so I jumped into the gap. 'What'd she say? She try and bribe you?' I grinned and folded my arms across my chest.

'Uh, not exactly…' What was almost a grin appeared on his face, as he glanced around quickly. 'After she'd been asleep for a while last night, she half woke up and told me that everyone was, and I quote, 'super nice but I really need to get out of here' before falling asleep again.'

I chuckled at that. 'Seems like Stell's getting back to her old self - she's going to be out of the hospital and back with us in no time.'

'Seems like it.'

'Great. That's great.'

'It really is.'

Three words, that was all, but the way he spoke, and the way he looked, said more about the depths of his feeling than if he'd produced a book of poems declaring his love for Stell.

Didn't really know how to go on from there, so decided it was a good moment to change the subject, lighten things up a bit. 'So I'm guessing you're going back to see Stell later?'

Even Mac allowed himself a smile at that. 'You guess right. Sid's going to visit her this evening, too,' he added.

'Bet the guy's looking forward to that.'

Mac gave a quick smile. 'He certainly is.'

Let the guy finally get into the elevator after that, and I went to talk to Hawkes.

Seeing both Mac and Hammerback were going to be at the hospital later, decided I wouldn't crowd Stell and visit her myself… instead I'd call by the ICU to say hi to Dalia and get an update from her.

When I got to the ICU after work, Dalia was coming out from the nurses' station.

'Great timing, Don,' she said, beaming. 'I'm about to take my break. You want to go grab something to eat? You could visit Stella after.'

'Sounds good. Lead the way.' I grinned, gesturing for her to go ahead.

She laughed, shaking her head, and we fell easily into step.

This time, we opened up to each other a bit more while we ate dinner: talked about our families and some personal stuff – I told her about Sam, some of the problems she'd had, and Dalia shared that she had a brother who'd also struggled with addiction. While we talked, I felt the same conviction again that Dalia was rapidly becoming a friend I could trust absolutely, someone who wouldn't judge or shrink away from some of the darker parts of me and my past, even my present. That being so, there were still things I wasn't ready to share. Not yet, anyway.

It felt way too soon when Dalia was paged again.

Like we'd done the last couple days, we agreed to meet up the next day. But, somehow, this time it felt different. Don't ask me why… I don't know, maybe it was a bit less casual than previously. But, whatever it was, I knew I was really looking forward to it and same as I'd done before, I accompanied her back to the ICU.

Before I left, I went to check on Stell. While it was pretty certain she was on the road to recovery, I still wanted to see for myself. Didn't go in, just peeped through the door - saw Hammerback with his back to me, in a chair at the end of the bed. Stell looked better than she had yesterday: brighter, more alert, and she was sitting up a bit. No sign of Mac, but his jacket was over the chair. Couldn't hear what Hammerback was saying but Stell looked happy.

Smiled to myself as I backed up and walked away noiselessly. At last, the nightmare seemed to be fading to nothing but shadows.

* * *

 **Many thanks for reading! Do drop me a review, it really means a lot :) Lily x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey! How are you all? Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing, and thank you to everyone who has asked when the next chapter will be here! That's such nice encouragement :) Thank you also to Leda for your review, sorry I couldn't send a reply via the site.**

 **Sorry it's taken a while to post this: as well as having to complete a commissioned script, I've managed to damage myself in several places - foot, ankle, elbow... Poor me :P Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter 9

For the next three days, I mostly left Stell and Mac to themselves. Figured they likely didn't need, or want, me butting in on them. There was also the fact that Stell had a lot of other people wanting to see her, so I cut back a bit on visiting. Didn't want her getting overwhelmed.

Obviously it wasn't the case that I saw nothing at all of Stell - called by each evening and stuck my head round the door to say 'hi' and make sure she was OK. She looked stronger each day and I felt increasingly confident that the nightmare was becoming nothing but a memory. Since the day of the incident, I'd had no more bouts of déjà vu; no nightmares; no nothing. Still hadn't said a word about them to anyone either.

Almost without noticing, I'd gotten into a routine of finishing work at around the same time and getting to the hospital to coincide with Dalia's evening break so we could get dinner together. Got to know the menu at the Mount Sinai canteen, and more importantly, I got to know Dalia better.

Everything considered, the days following Stell regaining consciousness were pretty good all round.

It'd been interesting to note that since Stell had woken up, Mac had spent noticeably less time at work. Hadn't totally absented himself, of course (don't actually think the guy was capable of that…) but according to my informant in the lab and my own observations he was coming in later and leaving earlier. Didn't take a genius, or a detective, to know where he was spending that time.

Likewise, it was easy to observe that at the same time Stell was recovering, Mac was also healing. Maybe seemed kind of an extreme way to describe it, but it really was. Difference in him was remarkable: he'd been so sunk in despair, but now he clearly had a reason for living again. That was the best way I could describe it. Stell lying between life and death for those three days while he didn't know if she'd ever wake up had taken a toll on Mac, mentally and physically. Then the fact that he'd put all that effort into trying to carry on normally had only added to the strain. He looked drawn and tired, but that spark of life in his eyes (which I'd noticed a few weeks ago) had reappeared, after going missing when he burst into the ER. Wasn't difficult to know who was responsible for that spark.

Even though it wasn't a lot, it was obvious from what I saw of Mac and Stell together that their relationship was making progress. OK, so maybe I _did_ hang around outside Stell's room a bit longer than I needed to, so sue me. Call it looking out for them and their relationship, with a bit of personal and professional curiosity in the mix.

Wasn't like I was _spying_ on them...

Not much, anyway.

And I didn't stay around to listen in on _all_ their personal conversations.

Only caught one or two of them accidentally.

Like when I almost walked in on Mac holding Stell's hand against his face, while he told her, with a catch in his voice, that he was sorry he hadn't been there when she'd needed him. Man that tugged at my heart strings. Only stayed long enough to hear Stell, who also had a quiver in her voice, tell him it was OK, he was there with her now… When I returned later, two of them looked kind of red around the eyes like they'd been crying, but I didn't say anything. Mightn't be the most tactful guy in the world, but I know when it ain't the right time to make a smart comment.

So, four days after Stell had woken up, I headed off to the hospital after work as usual. Left the precinct in good time, but due to a broken-down truck on 10th (traffic backed up for several blocks) it took me way longer than normal to get there. Expected that Dalia would have already gone to get dinner, but it was a pleasant surprise to find she'd waited for me.

'Let me treat to you to coffee and pastries seeing as the canteen's likely to be busy now,' I said. 'I know this great little vending machine a few corridors away.'

'You sure know how to treat a lady, huh?' Dalia smirked.

'Let me tell you, the vending machines you guys got here are in a league of their own compared to the ones we got in the precinct.'

'Is that so?' Dalia raised her eyebrows. 'In that case tell me, Don, where do you get your favourite coffee and bakery from?'

'Easy.' I grinned. 'Carluccio's on 9th. Best coffee and doughnuts in the city. I'll take you there sometime when you're not working…' I looked at Dalia, she looked at me, there was a moment's pause as both of us kind of took in the implications of what I'd said and then…

'I'd like that,' she said and I felt a smile breaking out on my face.

'Me too. So, you got a favourite place yourself?'

'I do. Café a few blocks away from here. They make the _best_ red velvet cupcakes. I'll take _you_ there sometime. We can compare and rate.'

'Sounds like a pretty great idea to me.'

'It's a deal then.'

We grinned at each other and continued chatting about our favourite eating places a bit more, discovering we both liked the same 24 hour diner on 11th. That led on to work stuff, which then led to Dalia asking me how we were doing with the case.

Told her what progress we'd made – how the suspect _had_ admitted getting into a fight with the dead guy in the bodega, and that although he still denied killing him, we had enough to throw the book at him on several counts of resisting arrest, assault and a few other things besides.

Would be public knowledge soon enough, so I was also able to tell her that the guys at the lab had discovered a partial print on the knife they'd found and were working on identifying it. Soon as we did, it would give us a bit more to lean on our suspect with because even if he hadn't knifed Gradziki, we were pretty certain he knew who _had_.

'So it's coming together,' I finished, before adding, 'Actually, if it's OK with you, I was going to ask Stell this evening if she feels up to making a statement.' I knew Connor and Fernandez were keen to get one from her.

'If Stella feels she's up to it, then it's OK by me,' Dalia said. 'Just try not to let her push herself too much.'

'I'll do my best,' I promised, well aware that Stell didn't need encouragement from anyone to overdo things.

'I know you will,' she said, before adding, 'although from my experience - and likely yours - of people who've been through similar trauma, it is possible Stella doesn't recall much.'

I shrugged. 'Possibly not. If she doesn't, it ain't an issue. Not necessary for charging the subject, but it's useful for bureaucracy, dotting the Is and crossing the Ts, you know?'

Dalia nodded. 'Got you.'

At that point we reached the vending machines, fortunately with no one else using them. Soon as we'd got ourselves loaded up with coffee and snacks, we found some seats nearby and sat down to eat and talk.

'Stella will be happy about you visiting this evening. You haven't spent much time with her the last couple days.' She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

'She's had a lot of visitors, so I haven't wanted to crowd her,' I explained.

'You're hardly a crowd.' Dalia gave me a teasing look. 'Honestly, it would cheer her up if you go see her. It can be very frustrating for patients in the ICU once they're starting to recover.'

'Maybe more frustrating for certain patients than others, am I right?' I wiggled my eyebrows and Dalia grinned.

'Mmm… you know, I get the feeling _you_ might have been one of those patients?'

'I have _no_ idea why you'd think that.'

With one eyebrow raised, Dalia turned her head, regarding me with what could kindly be called total scepticism. I held up my hands and grinned.

'What can I say, I like to be busy. Didn't sit well with me having to lie in bed for days with nothing to do, so I _might_ have gotten a little antsy…' With hindsight, I realised I'd probably been a major pain in the ass.

'I can believe that, honey,' Dalia said. 'Guess I'm relieved I wasn't one of your nurses then.'

'Might have behaved better if you had have been.' I smirked.

'I _guarantee_ you would have done,' she said with a glint in her eye.

'Don't doubt it.' I smirked. 'Hope Stell hasn't been causing you too much trouble?'

'She has not.' Dalia pursed her lips, adding, 'Aside from asking me more often than most people when she can get out of the unit, even when she's so tired she can barely keep her eyes open.'

Hearing that, I sniggered. 'Sounds like Stell. If she _hadn't_ been asking that, I'd have been concerned. So when _is_ she likely to get out of the ICU?'

'If all goes to plan we hope to transfer Stella to a general ward tomorrow seeing as she's recovering so well.'

'Fantastic. That's really great.'

Dalia beamed. 'I figured you'd be pleased to hear that.'

'Absolutely.' The horrible memory of Stell in the ER, almost slipping away from us, faded even more. 'Stell's got to be pretty happy about that herself?'

'She certainly is.' Dalia grinned, and then became thoughtful. 'Mr Taylor… maybe not so much.'

'Oh really?' Momentarily I was surprised, but more I thought about it, more I realised it made sense: Mac would probably prefer Stell to remain in the ICU for a while longer to be absolutely sure she was OK. I said as much to Dalia who agreed.

'It's very often loved ones who are far more concerned about a patient than they are about themselves.'

I nodded. 'And it's tough being on the outside, seeing someone you love hurt and not being able to do anything about it.' Boy did I speak from experience.

Dalia gave me a considering look. 'It is, honey.' She paused, sipping her coffee before continuing. 'It must have been very hard for Mr Taylor when Stella was in the ER, and when you were waiting for the ambulance.'

Screwing up the plastic wrapper from the muffin in my hand, I took a sip of my own coffee and exhaled.

'It was… yeah. It was tough. And when Mac and me were waiting while she was in surgery, geez…' Knew damn well I'd never forget those hours waiting.

'It's a hard, hard thing to feel like there's nothing you can do to help someone in that situation,' Dalia said, her eyes full of compassion.

Shook my head. 'That was the worst thing, the absolute worst thing...' Just for a moment, it was like I was speaking with an echo, for both Jess and Stella.

Felt overwhelmed by the memories kind of hitting me at once – of what had happened to Jess, and to Stell. Found I couldn't say anything more. Also found that Dalia had wrapped her hand around mine.

'But you _did_ help, Don. Without everything you did before she got to the OR, Stella wouldn't have made it.'

Cleared my throat and shrugged. 'Maybe, maybe not.' I wasn't going to go into what had happened in the ER, especially as Dalia hadn't specifically mentioned it. 'Surgeon had a lot to do with saving her life, and without everything _you've_ done for her, Stell wouldn't be doing so well now.'

Since that first night at the hospital, when Dalia had promised me she'd take care of Stell and Mac, I'd had every faith in her.

But Dalia shook her head slowly. 'That's generous of you to say, Don, but…'

'I mean it, I ain't just saying it.'

'I believe you. Think I've got to know you well enough to know you're not the kind of guy to make an empty statement, but I honestly can't take much credit for Stella pulling through. Most of the credit has to go to her.'

'Like I said to her surgeon, Stella's a fighter.'

'Oh she is, honey. She absolutely is.' Dalia nodded. 'And she had Mr Taylor with her, making sure she kept on fighting – he didn't leave her side for almost 12 hours. If anyone helped pull Stella through that first night, aside from herself, it's him.'

'I don't doubt it.'

Mac holding onto Stell's hand in the ICU suddenly gained another level of meaning. He was trying to help the woman who gave him life to keep _her_ hold on life.

With that thought, a shadow passed over me, reminding me how much I'd lost, even though I'd been at Jess's side, willing her, _willing_ her to survive with every part of my being…

Why hadn't that been enough for Jess?

 _Why?_

I felt a bitter chill of grief.

'Don? Are you OK? You shivered.' Dalia laid her hand over mine, her touch warm and comforting.

Managed to smile at her

'Just an attack of goosebumps.'

'You sure?' she said, still looking concerned as she chafed my fingers. 'You feel cold, honey.'

I assured her I was OK. She accepted that, but neither of us minded when she didn't let go of my hand.

Well aware that Dalia likely didn't have much break time left, I tried to squash the painful memories into a far corner of my brain and turned the subject to soccer (which I'd learned the day before she was a fan of) and managed to get myself back together. Wasn't a sport I'd ever paid much attention to, so I learned a few things about it from Dalia.

Realised I could have sat for hours with her, talking, making her smile and laugh, listening to her… but reality kicked that into touch when her cell bleeped and she stood up with a sigh of regret.

'Sorry, Don. I got to get back.'

'I'll walk with you,' I offered, 'then I'll go see Stell.'

'Great.' She smiled.

'So,' I said, thinking of something as we headed down the corridor, 'seeing as Stella's going to be transferred, I'll have to find my way to another part of the hospital to visit her, right?'

Dalia nodded. 'Absolutely. You going to need me to draw you a map?' She said it with a poker face that could have rivalled Mac's and I was _almost_ convinced.

'Actually, if you could that'd be nice…' I called her bluff.

She chuckled. 'Not necessary. Stella's going to be moved to a ward just along the corridor. First turning on the right after the vending machine.'

'Can't go wrong with directions like that.' I grinned.

'And if you _do_ get lost, I'm not so far away that you can't shout for help,' Dalia added, looking at me with something more than teasing in her eyes. 'And… even if you're not visiting Stella any more in the ICU, you're always welcome to call in if you're nearby.'

'Already planning to,' I said with a grin. 'You ain't getting rid of me that easy.'

'I'm happy to hear that.' Dalia smiled, genuinely pleased and I suddenly found myself noticing how those brown eyes of hers had a real shine in them, and how her lips curved slightly more to the right when she smiled…

We reached the ICU all too soon.

At her station we arranged to meet next evening, before I headed over to Stell's room.

No one else was there, not even Mac, and Stell looked like she was falling asleep over a magazine. But soon as I tapped on the glass, she looked up, kind of startled at first before her face broke into a smile.

'Hey, stranger,' she said, holding her arms out to me as I went in. She was still lying against pillows looking washed-out, with shadows under her eyes and a sort of hollow, pinched look to her face that made me realise she was still pretty fragile.

But the oxygen cannula was gone, she definitely didn't look as pale and I could see only one IV line, so that was positive.

Gave her a hug, still being careful, and grinned at her. 'Hope I ain't disturbing you?'

She shook her head. 'Definitely not. I'm going stir-crazy lying here.'

It was good to hear how much stronger her voice was and how much more alert she seemed, despite how tired she was.

Sat myself down next to the bed. 'What, you mean you got nothing to entertain you here? No good-looking male nurses or doctors to flirt with?' Wiggled my eyebrows at her with a smirk.

Stell's eyes crinkled up and her lips quirked. ' _I_ haven't, but you seem to have found someone to…' She tailed off expectantly and I blinked.

'Say what?'

She smiled lazily. 'Come on, Don. You know what I'm talking about. In case you hadn't noticed,' she waved her hand towards the sliding door, 'I can see a lot through that door.'

Felt my face heating up. Crossed my legs and tried to stay casual. 'If you mean Dalia, then you've got it all wrong. We've gotten friendly since you've been in here, but that's all.'

Stell studied me with an unconvincingly innocent smile. 'Oh, OK…' She glanced to the side, before her gaze slid back to me. 'I guess Danny got it wrong, too, huh?'

'Danny?'

'Danny.' She nodded, a glint in her eyes. 'He told me, in his own words, that you were 'breaking out your game' with Dalia.'

I snorted, hoping my face hadn't turned bright red. 'I have no _game_ , as Messer calls it. He's seeing something that ain't there. Like I said, me and Dalia have gotten friendly, but that's all there is to it.' Cleared my throat and re-crossed my legs.

Stella nodded, but bit her lip, clearly not believing me as she failed to hide a smile. 'Whatever you say.'

Soon as I saw Danny, I'd put him straight on the matter.

Decided to try and turn the tables on Stell.

'So anyways, where's Mac? Why's _he_ not here to entertain you?'

Stell thinned her lips. 'Told him to go get something to eat, after he admitted he'd skipped lunch _and_ breakfast.'

'Wouldn't catch me skipping meals,' I said smugly.

'If you ever do, we know something's _really_ wrong.'

I grinned and nodded. ' _You_ allowed to eat anything yet?'

Poor Stell looked long-suffering as she pulled a face. 'Nothing you could honestly call _food_.'

It was hard not to smirk at her expression, but I sympathised, knowing she appreciated good food almost as much as I did.

'Guess that might change when you're transferred tomorrow, huh?'

'Got to hope so,' she said. 'I can't…' She broke off with a huge yawn.

Pretended to look hurt. 'Geez, is my conversation that boring?'

She rolled her eyes. 'It's got to be all the meds they've got me taking; don't remember when I last wanted to sleep so much.' Another yawn overtook her.

'Could be. I spent most of the time I was in the hospital sleeping. Least it passed the time quickly.'

Not appreciating my attempt at humour, Stell grumbled that it definitely didn't before heaving a weighty sigh. 'Feels like I've been here forever.'

'Listen,' I said, 'This maybe ain't what you want to hear, but you've been through a hell of a lot and you got to accept it's going to take time to recover.'

Stell pulled a wry face. 'Kind of hard to forget that when I'm still in the ICU with wiring stuck all over me,' she plucked at the wires for the heart monitor just under her gown and sighed, 'And Mac panicking if I so much as cough.' Looked at her kind of sceptically at that and she gave me a sheepish smile. 'OK, maybe that's an exaggeration, but he still worries too much.'

'Because he cares about you, Stell,' I said gently, ' _more_ than cares about you.'

She glanced down at her hands for a second before meeting my gaze again with a small smile. 'I know that.'

'And, maybe it's something he needs to do, you know?'

Stell kind of squinted at me and shook her head. 'He doesn't need to.'

'No, what I mean is he needs to for his _own_ sake, as well as yours. Guy probably feels there's not much else he can do to help, so he's going overboard with checking up on you.'

'I guess so.' She looked unhappy. 'But he's doing more than he realises by simply spending time here. And because he's doing that, he's not eating or sleeping enough.'

'So, not much different from usual, right?' Couldn't resist it, but Stell didn't look amused, so I added real quick, 'Seriously, don't worry about it. Really, Stell. We'll make sure he gets at least one good meal a day and a few hours' sleep. Besides, it's going to be no time at all before you're busting out of here and getting back to work, kicking everyone at the lab into shape _and_ making sure Mac gets enough sleep and don't skip any meals… not even breakfast.' Had to throw that one in but was disappointed it didn't provoke any reaction from Stell. Guess it showed how tired and preoccupied she was.

'I keep telling myself that, but…' Stell groaned and pushed her hand through her hair. 'Ugh. I just… I want to be out of here, but I'm sure the wound isn't healing up as fast as it should be.'

'I'm absolutely sure it is, Stell,' I told her, gently but firmly. 'Aint nothing wrong with your amazing powers of recovery, it's like I said to you; you've got to give it time.' Gave her hand a quick squeeze, really feeling for her. 'Being in here sucks, it really does. Rest of us hate you being in here almost as much as you do. But you're going to be home before you know it.'

Seemed like the right time to ask Stell how she felt about giving her statement – thought it might give her something else to focus on. So I asked her.

'Doesn't matter if you're too tired, and doesn't matter if you don't remember everything,' I added, keeping it casual. Last thing I wanted was for her to feel pressured.

'I don't know, Don.' She started twisting her fingers. 'I'm not too tired,' she said hastily (which I didn't totally believe), 'but there isn't much I remember.'

'That's OK. Ain't no big deal. After everything you've been through, no one's expecting you to remember every detail.'

'That's just it. I barely remember _any_ details.' She shook her head, sounding frustrated.

'So tell me what details you do remember,' I suggested. 'Anything you got's going to be of help.'

She frowned, staring off into the distance for a moment. 'OK... I remember crossing the street and you picking up the kid's toy… then there was the old lady shouting. Her purse was on the floor… or that might have been later… Remember the guy running out of the store, then the glass everywhere…' She paused, frowning in thought and tugging at her pinkie again. It was clear from the somewhat muddled retelling that Stell wasn't as alert and awake as she wanted me to think, but I nodded encouragingly.

'Go on…'

'Definitely remember you yelling for a bus… Oh, wait, we cuffed the kid and the guys got him in the squad car…' She paused for a moment, looking like she'd zoned out as she twisted her fingers. 'Then… then I'm not sure after that… know I was pissed that my shirt was in such a mess, and I remember feeling cold… think I asked you to call Mac, right?'

'You did.' I nodded. Might be a vague and kind of scrambled memory to Stell, but every second, one after the other, was marked indelibly on my mind.

'After that…' She gave a shake of her head. 'After that, I don't know, there's not much at all. People yelling, think I heard sirens, someone shouting and an alarm… that's about it.' She grimaced. 'It's annoying that I remember so little. Sorry.'

'Hey, don't be sorry, that's more than I thought you might remember,' I said smiling at her.

She smiled back, but after all that talking, she looked exhausted. Lifting her arm to push her hair back seemed to take a lot of energy and her hand shook visibly with the effort.

Felt a bit guilty for making her talk so much, even more so when I remembered what Dalia had said about not letting Stella push herself too much.

'You know, I should probably let you get some rest after all that,' I said.

'You don't have to.' She tried, and failed, to stop another yawn.

'I do, 'cause if I don't, I'm going to get my ass kicked out of here by either Mac or Dalia.'

Stell grinned faintly. 'You think so?'

'I _know_ so,' I said, right as Mac himself returned.

'Hey, Mac. You get something to eat?' Stell said right before an even bigger yawn overtook her. By now, her eyes were huge, she was blinking like an owl and seemed about ready to fall asleep. Yep, I definitely felt guilty.

'I did,' Mac said, turning to give me an accusing stare. Feeling like a kid caught doing what I'd been told not to, I shuffled the chair back and attempted to get up from it without being noticed. 'Are you OK, Stella? You look tired,' Mac continued, looking concerned.

'I'm… good…' Stell yawned.

Mac threw me a glare which plainly said he held me responsible. Managed to extract myself from the chair and edge towards the door.

Studying Stell, Mac smoothed back some tumbled curls from her forehead and smiled down at her. She raised her hand slowly to his face and brushed her thumb over his cheek. Feeling like a spare part all of a sudden, I took the opportunity to escape.

'Take it easy you two. Goodnight.' I was already backing out of the room.

'Night, Don,' Stell murmured with a small wave.

Mac grunted something in my direction before turning back to Stell.

I hurried out.

Before leaving the hospital, decided to grab a coffee. Hit up my favourite vending machine, getting one for Dalia at the same time. She was busy with another patient so I left it at her station with a scribbled message and decided to risk a final check on Mac and Stell.

Clearly fast asleep, Stell lay turned towards Mac, her hand around his, while he sat keeping watch over her.

I slipped away unseen.

* * *

 **Thank you very much for reading! Do leave a review, it's always really great, and really helpful, to have your feedback :D Lily x**


	10. Chapter 10

**I got a bit more broken :( But here at last is the next chapter! Thank you for all encouragement :D**

Chapter 10

As we'd hoped, Stell was moved from the ICU to a general ward the next day and boy was she happy about that. If she'd had the strength to do it, she'd have been cheering. As it was, she had to satisfy herself with looking triumphant and starting to make remarks about when she'd be going home. Mac didn't look too thrilled about that. He said nothing, but said nothing very pointedly. Lucky for me, it distracted him from still being pissed with me for tiring Stell out the previous day.

Being transferred from the ICU seemed to spur Stell on to recovering even faster and she was soon sitting up in bed and starting to regain her energy.

And even though I wasn't visiting the ICU anymore, I still met with Dalia before I visited Stell and we continued getting dinner together in the canteen.

Four days after Stell had left the ICU, I caught up with Mac, just ending a call on his cell, outside the lab. Night before I'd been to visit Stell and had caught the tail end of a discussion going on between her and Mac which had left me curious – heard Stell say, 'it makes sense, Mac; it's closer to the hospital,' and him reply, 'if you're sure…' as I'd got to the door. So seeing as I was due a lunch break, I asked him if he wanted to go grab a bite to eat, on my dime, with the idea of quizzing him a bit. He hesitated, but I wasn't letting him off that easy and mentioned casually the fact that he could tell Stella honestly that he'd had lunch. That swung it.

'Any preferences, or you good with my choice?' I asked.

'I trust you when it comes to picking a place to eat, Don.' Mac said with a quirk to his mouth.

'Glad to know someone appreciates my talents. Always knew you were a smart guy.'

Mac shook his head with a smirk.

We made small talk as we headed down the street towards the place I had in mind – covered the good weather we'd had recently, last night's Jets game, and how Hammerback had apparently taken his wife to the game on a date night.

'You and Stell should go with the Hammerbacks on a double date some time…' Shot Mac a knowing grin.

It bounced right off his poker face.

I smirked before asking, 'You going to see her soon as you've finished work?'

I was pretty sure he was, seeing as it had become an accepted thing now – Mac Taylor, the man with the reputation for working the longest hours in the NYPD, was now becoming known for starting work at a regular time and leaving the lab before 6pm most evenings. It was like someone had replaced the old Mac with a new, updated version. A version that appeared very much happier, relaxed and, you could even say, more dimensional.

'After I've been grocery shopping,' he told me.

'Got tired of take-out, huh?'

'According to Stella, I need more vegetables in my life,' he said and I sniggered.

Crosswalk took our attention for a minute or two. Soon as we were across the street, I asked Mac about when exactly Stell would be going home.

'Stell told me yesterday that as long as there's no setbacks, she can be discharged in three days if she's got someone who can be with her, as opposed to in _six_ days if she hasn't.'

'Yeah, that's the deal she's been offered.'

'Plea deal, huh?' I smirked.

'Something like that.'

'So have you guys talked about that?'

Mac shot me a look. 'What do you mean?'

'I mean, is she going to go back to _her_ place, or she going to stay at _your_ place for a bit?'

Mac had a short reprieve seeing as we'd reached the diner I had in mind. But after we'd sat down and ordered I reminded him, 'You haven't answered my question.'

'I had a feeling you wouldn't forget about that,' Mac said dryly and I grinned.

'You know me, Mac, I'm like an elephant.'

'For appetite or memory?'

I smiled sweetly, sat back and folded my arms. 'So, what's the plan? She's going to stay at your place, right?'

'Actually, no.' Mac glanced at me before taking another sip of coffee.

I was confused. 'What do you mean?'

'No, she's not going to stay at my place.'

'Where's she going to stay then? With Hammerback? Someone else? 'Cause you're not going to tell me Stell's choosing to stay longer in hospital, 'cause I ain't going to believe you.'

'She certainly isn't, and I don't think the hospital want to keep her there any longer than they have to either.' Mac's face was dead straight, but there was humour in his eyes.

I was still confused. 'Then, what? Where's she going to go?'

'Back to her own apartment.' He paused briefly. 'I'm going to stay with her there.'

I blinked. 'OK…' That I had _not_ expected. 'Did you suggest that or did Stell?'

'Stella did. It's a more practical choice - there's maintenance work going on in my building, which doesn't make it a particularly peaceful place in the daytime, and Stella's apartment is also nearer to the hospital. For appointments and rehab,' he added, but I was pretty sure the main draw was that it was closer for Mac's peace of mind.

'Makes sense...' It did, practically, but I was still unpacking what Mac had just told me.

'It does,' Mac said.

'Well… great. That's great. Seems like you guys have figured out the best solution. I guess that means Stell's going to be discharged by the end of the week?'

'It does.' Mac couldn't stop himself smiling. It was the happiest I'd seen him look for a long time.

'Fantastic.' Couldn't stop myself smiling either. Felt like it really was the end of the nightmare. Wounds were healing and life was going on. The cuts I'd got on my back and arms were not much more than an irritating itch now and the premonitions I'd had were a weird memory. Things were back on track, way they were meant to be.

Food arrived then, so for a few minutes we concentrated on that. While we were eating, I thought of something else to ask Mac.

'Does this also mean you're going to take some time off to keep an eye on Stell?' Smirked as I said it, already guessing what the answer to that would be.

Mac sipped at his coffee before answering. 'Yes, I am.'

My jaw literally dropped.

'Are you kidding me? You actually _are_ taking time off?'

'I'd actually just come from meeting with Sinclair before I met you, to confirm I'm taking two weeks' leave.'

'Wow.' I was almost speechless.

'Is that so surprising?'

'Come on, Mac, you're not exactly known for taking a lot of vacation time.'

'It happens occasionally.'

'Yeah, the last occasion must've been when you went after Stell to Greece,' I said eyeing Mac as I forked in some fries.

There was a brief flicker in his eyes, but all he said was, 'It might have been.'

Thought struck me then. 'Did Sinclair have anything to say about the purpose of your leave?'

Mac paused a moment, before replying, 'I asked for leave, he granted it, that was it.'

'Got you.' Sinclair would know damn well why Mac was taking leave, but was obviously turning a blind eye to it. 'So,' I continued, 'I guess Stell's going to be happy about that.'

'She is. I called her to let her know right before I met you - although I've had to promise not to 'fuss' round her, as she put it,' Mac said, looking like he intended to do just that, whether Stella liked it or not.

I grinned. 'Yeah, I can see how _that's_ going to pan out. You won't be able to help yourself, Mac. You'll be hovering round Stell like a mother hen.'

Kind of defensively, Mac said, 'I care about her.'

Decided this was a good moment to go a little deeper, and gave him a long stare before I finally spoke. 'No you don't.'

His fork stopped halfway to his mouth. 'Excuse me?'

'You don't _care_ about Stell, Mac. _I_ care about Stell because she's a very good friend, she's a co-worker and fellow detective who I respect, and she's someone who's like a sister to me. So, I care about her. But I ain't in love with her.' I paused for a moment. 'Unlike you.'

Swear I could almost see the battle going on inside Mac, deciding whether to bluff it out or admit the truth.

'What makes you think that?' he said at last, but I could tell he knew it was pretty futile to argue with me.

I sat back and rubbed my nose. 'Come on, Mac, it ain't hard to notice. Way you two look at each other, way you got the ability to have an entire conversation without speaking a word and… the way I've seen you react when either one of you gets hurt.' Mac stayed silent, so I pushed my luck and carried on, in a gentler voice. 'If I hadn't already known there was _something_ going on between you two, the effect Stell being injured had on you would have given it away.' Obviously it wasn't the moment to go into details about my slightly delayed realisation of _exactly_ what the feeling was between them…

Finally, a resigned look settled on Mac's face, his shoulders relaxed and he met my eyes.

'I guess there's no point denying it, is there?'

'Not really.' I shrugged and then grinned. 'They don't call me Detective Flack for nothing.'

Mac shook his head slightly. 'Clearly not.' Then he gave me a wary look. 'Is it too much to hope you're the only one who's figured things out?'

'Not going to lie to you, Mac; I ain't the only one who's come to the same conclusion. Few others have, too.'

Technically, 'a few' wasn't a _lie_ …

Mac winced. 'Exactly how many we talking about, Don?'

Memory of Danny mocking me, the look Connor and Fernandez had exchanged, conversation between me and Hammerback, and many other similar moments flashed through my mind. Was probably best to be truthful.

'Uhh… likely everyone who knows you and Stell.'

'Everyone…' Mac rubbed the back of his head with a sigh. 'The NYPD rumour mill's been working overtime, huh?'

'Gone into overdrive,' I said straight-faced before realising Mac looked seriously uncomfortable. 'No, honestly, Mac it ain't like that. You and Stell aren't the subject of gossip.' _Much_ , I added silently.

Mac arched an eyebrow. 'Honestly?'

I exhaled. My fork hovered over my rapidly cooling food before I put it down with regret.

'Listen, let me explain, try to anyway…' I thought fast, grabbing a couple of fries with my fingers and chewing them rapidly. 'The thing is… OK, see, the thing is, you and Stell, everyone who knows you figured out a long time ago that there's more to it than simply a working relationship between you two…'

Mac looked alarmed. ' _Everyone_ who knows us?'

'Well, yeah, pretty much, but… it's not what you're thinking.' I hesitated.

'Go on.' Mac's voice practically vibrated with scepticism.

'What I'm trying to say is that it ain't anything people gossip about, because it's kind of one of those things that just _is_ , you know?'

'I think… you need to explain a bit more,' Mac's forehead creased up.

Began to wish I'd never gotten started on the subject.

'It's kind of like - like everyone just accepts it as the… as the status quo, I guess. Everyone knows, so there's no need to gossip about it. It's old news. The only speculation is when the two of you might actually go ahead and take the next step.' Decided not to mention the various betting pools there'd been about them… 'Frankly, Mac, if you and Stell eloped next week no one would bat an eyelid.' Seeing as Mac appeared to be stunned into silence, I added, 'Course we'd all expect an invitation to one hell of a party when you got back.'

Mac simply stared at me for a few long moments.

'I see,' he said at last, obviously _not_ seeing.

'It's hard to explain,' I said lamely.

'Clearly,' Mac's voice was bone dry.

Our conversation had likely been something of an ordeal. Mac wasn't a guy who shared a lot, so to share as much as he had done with me must've taken it out of him. There'd also been a lot to take _in_.

'Look, basically, Mac, you don't got to worry about people gossiping about you and Stell and spreading rumours, because it ain't happening and certainly not in a malicious way.'

That made Mac relax a fraction more as he nodded. 'All right. I'll take your word on it, Don.'

'My word is good. I'll personally deal with anyone starting any wild rumours, OK?'

'Thank you.' Mac gave me a wry smile.

'Hey, my pleasure.'

We concentrated on eating after that, seeing as the food was rapidly getting cold, and there was only so much time we could take for a lunch break. Soon as I'd paid the check, we headed out of there. I was going back to the precinct, Mac returning to his office, so I told Mac I'd likely see him later at the hospital.

'Promised Stell a game of Uno.' I grinned.

'She mentioned you had,' Mac said, before adding oh-so-casually, 'you going to see Dalia this evening as well?'

Squinted at him and shoved my hands into my pockets. 'What makes you ask that?'

Mac half-smiled. 'Heard you and she have been spending a lot of time together.'

That made me groan. 'OK, who talked? Was it Danny or Stell?'

'Stella. And Danny.'

'Can't trust _anyone_ these days.'

Mac rubbed his hand down the back of his head. 'Especially not if they're in the hospital with, as _they_ claim, nothing else to keep them from going out of their minds with boredom.'

'Oh sure.' I rolled my eyes.

Mac looked at me with friendly amusement. 'If it's any consolation, I'd noticed myself that you and Dalia had been talking together a lot, and that you'd come to see her as well as Stella. Stella simply confirmed it.'

'Nothing's secret in this place,' I muttered and Mac patted my shoulder.

'What's to keep secret? You're starting a new friendship with a lady who, from all I've seen of her, is a good person and who clearly likes what she sees in you. If you're spending time with her, great, keep doing it. If someone makes you happy, be with them and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.'

'Right back at you, Mac,' I said with a wry grin.

He made a non-committal sort of grunt.

'But seeing as you're older, and wiser, I'll take your advice,' I said and got in return a hard stare.

'Get back to work, Don. I'll see you later.'

'Later.' Gave him a wave and headed off down the street, pleased we'd had the chance to talk about stuff. Felt like there'd been things both of us needed to say and I felt happier they'd been said.

Making my way back to the precinct gave me the chance to reflect on what Mac had said about Dalia. Sort of felt like he'd given his approval – not that I especially needed it – nonetheless, I was happy to know that Mac thought highly of Dalia. I had a lot of respect for his opinion. What I hadn't told Mac, or anyone else for that matter, was that Dalia and me had actually managed to set a tentative date for our, well, date I guess – my café of choice on the next afternoon neither of us were working. I was looking forward to it.

Managed to get away from work promptly, and unusually ran into no traffic on the way to the hospital, so seeing I was early, I decided to visit Stell first for the promised game of Uno, and have dinner with Dalia later.

'Hey,' Stell greeted me. 'Good to see you.'

'Likewise.' Spoke nothing but the truth. I was real happy to see Stell looking so bright and cheerful. There was a sparkle back in her eyes and she had more energy and vitality than she'd had since the injury. Clearly the promise of being discharged soon had made an improvement.

There was no sign of Mac, but Stella confirmed that he was still out grocery shopping.

'Yeah, he mentioned he'd be doing that,' I said, settling myself into the easy chair at the side of the bed, just as a lightbulb went off in my head. 'Wait… would his grocery shopping happen to be for you?'

'Sure is. Mac's not going to allow me home to an empty fridge.'

'Definitely not. So you're going to kiss this place goodbye soon, huh? That's cool.'

Stell grinned, with a hint of victory in her face. 'Only a few more days and I am _out_ of here.'

'You make it sound like a stretch in Sing Sing.'

She shook her head. 'There isn't a whole lot of difference – not allowed to leave, having to eat what you're given, hospital gown…'

'Maybe, but if you were in Sing Sing you wouldn't have people visiting to play cards with you, or… bring you these.'

Held out the bag of cannoli I'd picked up on my way. Stell beamed in delight and dipped her hand into the bag.

'I could kiss you, Don,' she said as she bit into the pastry blissfully. 'Oh my God, you have _no_ idea how much I've been longing to eat something like this.'

'I got a pretty good idea,' I told her, picking one out for myself. 'I had to deal with hospital food even longer than you.'

Mouth full of pastry, she gave me a sympathetic look.

Didn't take either of us long to demolish the cannoli. Stell sat back with a sigh.

' _Fabulous_. Thank you.'

'You're welcome. I'll bring you some more tomorrow.'

'You're an angel.'

'I know.' I grinned and Stell side-eyed me.

'So,' she said, 'How about that card game?'

Pulled the Uno cards out of my pocket. 'You ready to get crushed?'

'Bring it on.' She smirked and began to deal the cards. 'Hope you brought your A game, Flack.'

'Like always.'

I'd sat myself at the side of the bed, on the opposite side to the night stand. While Stell dealt, I glanced idly at the cards on it, and a wildly colourful drawing from Lucy, then noticed the Cubs keychain I'd seen before, when Stell was in the ICU.

Interesting.

'That Mac's?' I asked, pointing. 'The keychain?'

'Huh?' Stell paused with the remaining cards in her hand.

'The Cubs keychain, on the nightstand.'

'Oh…' She glanced at it, and back to me, something unreadable in her eyes. 'Yes. Yes it is.'

'You looking after it for him?'

There was definitely something secretive in her small smile and lowered eyes. 'Something like that. So, you ready?' She set the stack of cards down with a flourish.

The story of the keychain would have to wait.

'I was _born_ ready.'

Five games later, Stell declared herself the victor. I conceded defeat graciously, and handed over the last cannoli in the bag.

With a grin, Stell said, 'I _might_ save this for Mac…'

'But you might not.'

'Depends how long he's out.'

With perfect timing, Mac arrived back at that moment. Immediately asked Stell how she was, walking over to her and laying a protective hand on her shoulder. Then, satisfied that our Uno match hadn't exhausted her, he relaxed and the three of us chatted for a bit, before I took a time check and realised I was due to meet Dalia.

'Take it easy, you guys,' I said, heading out, but not before taking note of how Stell had her hand on Mac's arm, unconsciously stroking it. It was pretty cute to see all the touches and looks between them. Half the time, they weren't even aware they were doing it. 'Have a good evening.'

Two of them glanced at each other then back at me. 'You too. And say 'hi' to Dalia,' Stell said with a bright smile, while Mac looked at her with what I can only describe as amused pride.

Rolled my eyes. 'I will. Catch you later.'

Headed off to find Dalia, looking forward to the evening ahead.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! Please do drop me a review, even if it's just a few words - it means a lot :D Lily x**


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